never, ever piss off your trainer

so it's 5:30 in the morning and i'm running with my trainer. we do 3 minutes of jogging and 3 minutes of walking for 35 minutes before we go and do yoga and weights.

we jog past a woman, D, and her dog that my trainer, S, knows. in fact, i met, D, at the same place the very first time i started working out with S. so as we go jogging past, D asks how long have we been working out and S asks, "you mean today or total?" and D says "total time."

So S says, "Actually, i just checked this morning and we've been working out together twice a week since August 8. I'm so proud of her"

And I say, "yes, i'm super proud too because i've been working my ass off and I haven't lost any weight but my forearms look fabulous!!!!"

and i say this, knowing S is in on the joke because I told her ALL of what i'm about to tell you now.

the week before, even though i I know i shouldn't weigh myself, I did last week and I was a little surprised I hadn't lost any weight but that my jeans were hella baggy. in fact, they were so baggy i could pull them down to pee without unzipping or unbuttoning them. and then i told her how in the last week i had been driving to work and i had my right arm straight on the steering wheel and i lifted my left arm to scratch an itch and then i rubbed my whole arm with my hand. and i paused. and i rubbed it again, and i thought, that feels totally different. not that i spend all my time feeling my bicep to my forearm but i think that we can go through changes and not notice them until we are touching ourselves (DIFFERENT THAN MASTURBATING PIGS). so then i told her that i had told my best friend (who i met S, the trainer through) how my arms felt different and that i haven't lost any weight but my FOREARMS LOOK FABULOUS!! and how my best friend had called me the next day and said you know buck i was thinking about this forearm thing and i think you would make a GREAT bartender! you're behind a bar! you have a great personality! and the most anyone sees of you is your tits AND your FOREARMS while you're slinging drinks!!! it's PERFECT!!

i laughed my ass off!! i said yeah sam (my best friend) i've spent the last 14 years getting an education so that i can QUIT IT ALL NOW!! and become a bartender!! RIGHT ON!!

and then we had a good laugh and hung up.

WELL, when we went back to S's house to do yoga and strength training, we did the yoga and everything was fine. then we start doing arms and she says you're going to be doing three sets of twelve on your biceps. so i start doing them and she starts counting

"1
2
3
4
5"....

"5"...

"5"...quizzical look from me

"5"...starting to struggle

"5"....struggling

"5"....struggling more

"5"....struggling

me, gasping:"this is about the forearm comment isn't it?"

S: "yeah."

"5!"

yikes i was soooo sore.

so let that be a lesson to ye all!