radio

things have been kind of rough for me emotionally. i'm under a lot of stress with my work and the fact that i have at least 18-20 monts of work to do to do and only 11 months to complete it in. i've also had to deal with a lot of loss lately and all of that is magnified when you're reminded you never really had a strong support system around you except for the one you built with friends. but then that friend has a life and a family of her own and can't be expected to take on the burden of you never having a support system from your family.

and i think it's why i've always found myself turning to music. throughout my entire life. i've escaped into it, it's found words for me i never had, it's lifted me up, it moves me, it motivates me, it wrecks me, it takes me out of my own head.

some artists are literally my muses, i can't even think about painting or drawing without them.

and so i'm always astonished when a song randomly comes on the radio, one that i haven't heard in such a looooooong time and it just nails down exactly what you're feeling, the words, the music, everything is spot on.

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear my crown of s**t
On my liar’s chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stain of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way