how did i not know...

i was listening to my ipod mini on shuffle and i was reminded of a conversation i had in mexico with my research buddy. i can't remember how, but i came out to him pretty early in the trip. it wasn't a big deal, it happened really casually, i think talking about relationships and it came up. and at some point i also had told him my first relationship with a woman was when i was thirty years old.

i had brought my radio and my cd's and when we were working outdoors of the hotel i most likely was playing music. pretty much the same music i have loaded on my ipod: tori amos, bjork, nelly furtado, shakira, paulina rubio, alanis morrissette, etc. which is what made me think of it.

one day, towards the end of the trip, i was listening to the new tori amos "the beekeeper" for the umpteenth million time when B finally says to me, "so, uuummmm, do you have any 'boy' music? you know like men singers?"

"well, yeah, i have morrissey, erasure..."

*roll eyes* "ok, so tell me again how you didn't know you were gay?"

i fell out. *sigh* "i don't know dude. i.just.don't.know."