housesitting and playboy bunnies

yeeehawwww!

hee

so i'm housesitting at my friend's house. and i'm not really doing anything because they took the kids and the dog with them so really i'm just STAYING here. alone. with the pool. it rocks.

so last night i'm flipping channels and i hit E! television and there's another (yes for fuck's sake, ANOTHER) reality show. but this time it's about Hugh Hefner's "girlfriends." it's called GIRLS NEXT DOOR.


so this is holly. and this is what her profile says: "Holly Madison
Age: 25
Hometown: Craig, Alaska
How She Met Hef: Holly first caught Hef's eye when she visited the Mansion for Midsummer Night's Dream, the year's most elegant party. Two days after their first date, Holly moved in but found herself vying with several other girlfriends for Hef's attention. (He's since downsized from seven girlfriends to three.)
She Likes: Being Hef's number-one girl, classic movies, designing her own clothing, party planning, dogs, Disneyland and dill pickles.
Beauty & Brains: Holly is currently studying real estate and business online through UCLA Santa Monica College.
Take Note: She hates exercising but says she "gets her workout in the bedroom."

This is Bridget and here is her profile: "Bridget Marquardt
Age: 31
Hometown: Lodi, California
How She Met Hef: After submitting her photo to Playboy (she didn't get into the magazine), Bridget received a phone call from Hef asking her out on a date. She first thought he was joking, but Bridget was soon living at the Mansion.
She Likes: Pizza; everything horror (including movies, books and Halloween); dressing up in ruffles, polka dots and bows.
Beauty & Brains: The beautiful blonde boasts a B.A. in public relations, a masters' degree in communications and is currently working towards another masters' in broadcast journalism.
Take Note: Bridget religiously attends boot-camp fitness classes and loves to hike."


"Kendra Wilkinson
Age: 20
Hometown: San Diego
How She Met Hef: Kendra, Hef's youngest and newest girlfriend, met him at his 78th birthday party at the Mansion. She was dressed only in body paint. Before their first date, Hef asked Kendra to move in and live as one of his girlfriends.
She Likes: Being a tomboy, watching boxing, the San Diego Chargers, the Philadelphia Eagles, barbecue and Janet Jackson.
Beauty & Brains: Kendra's goal is to have a career as a sports announcer or in sports massage. She attends massage-therapy school five days a week.
Take Note: She claims to have one of the largest Janet Jackson posters in the world on her bedroom wall at the Mansion."

My first disclaimer is to tell you that i have no problem with playboy, hustler, penthouse, onourbacks, etc. i'm a firm believer in freedom of the press AND hot adult publications. although, i don't pay for them. heh, i just take people's leftovers. oh, and maxim, forgot that one. although, i HAVE purchased MAXIM. hee

i'm against other forms of exploitation against minors, women, and foreigners, but i'm not against hot women who are willing to pose naked/half naked and make a lot of money and live in big mansions. good for them. because that is DEFINITELY NOT how i could make money. hee

that being said, that doesn't mean i can't make fun of them, which i'm about to do. heh

so here goes.

they start the show with holly the "#1 girlfriend" being more or less the narrator. and, holly is hot. and then they go through all the girls' profiles, and there was nothing extraordinary until they got to Kendra, who said she was a tomboy. ok, maybe compared to these other glamour gals Kendra is a tomboy. compared to every other tomboy in the world, Kendra is a hot girly girl who is not AFRAID to come off like a tomboy. but definitely tomboy she aint.

so, apparently the "girlfriends" live on the property but they're not bunnies. so when a girl comes to test for the magazine, she is a guest at the mansion during that time. #2 Bridget is seen admitting that she is critical of the other girls until she gets to know them and then she feels bad about being critical because they're nice. and i'm thinking bitch. well it turns out that Bridget tested for the mag and didn't get in, and so even though she's a girlfriend and lives for gawddamn free in the mansion with her ugly persian cat and she's bitter.

kendra takes the new girl to the batting cages and tries to teach her to bat. yeah, blind leading the deaf. hysterical. so after they both suck at it they get into kendra's giant navigator and they drive back to the mansion. Kendra says i'm hungry let's order something so she gets on the cell and calls the mansion. it's classic. the guy answers the phone and says "playboy mansion" and Kendra says "HI! IT'S KENDRA!" guy doesn't give a shit, doesn't smile nothing, "how can i help you?" so she orders lunch (oriental chicken salad and fries for her, pbj with grape jelly and creamy peanut and fries for new girl). this guy was KILLING ME because you could tell he was all, don't pretend we're friends beeyotch.

Apparently, they go out every thursday and this is typically the night before the girls test. they show them at a sushi restaurant and you see these ziplock bags with food and recipes in ziplocks. Hugh takes his OWN food to restaurants with instructions on how to prepare them! SHUT THE FUCK UP! hee! so the girls are getting their food and his isn't ready and he's getting irate. then they go out drinking and dancing and you hear bridget narrating that because the girls test tomorrow she LOVES it when she watches them get all hammered knowing they'll feel like shit for the test tomorrow. OH SHUT IT BRIDGET.

then they show her crying *sob* that her dream her entire life was to be a bunny and *sniff* it just hurts her so much *wipe tear*

i'm over bridget. i hope she gets voted off or whatever they do to chicks on this show.

but you should check it out because it's so gawddamn funny just for the simple fact that they're not even trying to be. hee