monkey and i have a very, very healthy relationship

she even writes me love poems. here's one she left for me at a forum we belong to:

akeeeeeee! i sing a song for you:

oh, akee! oh, akee!
in the water, she happy.
playing with the fishies
yelling she is PESSSIIIEEEE.
oh, akee! oh, akee!
GIVE ME A CALL, BITCH!

thankyou.

________

*sigh*

onward christian soldiers...

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. - Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson apologized Wednesday for calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, only hours after he denied saying Chavez should be killed. you know, cuz Robertson's a christian and all and christians don't just go out and kill peo...oh wait...

"Is it right to call for assassination?" Robertson said. "No, and I apologize for that statement. I spoke in frustration that we should accommodate the man who thinks the U.S. is out to kill him." i get frustrated too but i'm not a public figure advocating violence, let alone a CHRISTIAN...

Chavez, whose country is the world's fifth-largest oil exporter, has emerged as one of the most outspoken critics of President Bush. He accuses the United States of conspiring to topple his government and possibly backing plots to assassinate him. U.S. officials have called the accusations ridiculous. cuz the united states would NEVER do anything like that, would they?...oh wait...

On Monday's telecast of his Christian Broadcasting Network show "The 700 Club," Robertson had said: "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war, and I don't think any oil shipments will stop." but we don't assasinate leaders or go to war over just oil....oh wait...

He continued: "We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."

On Wednesday, he initially denied having called for Chavez to be killed and said The Associated Press had misinterpreted his remarks.

"I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out,'" Robertson said on his show. "'Take him out' could be a number of things including kidnapping." or you know, take him out for like pizza or dancing take him out...

He later issued the apology on his Web site. cuz i ALWAYS apologize for shit i say i didn't do...

When the AP had called Robertson on Tuesday for elaboration, spokeswoman Angell Watts said Robertson would not do interviews and had no statement about his remarks. He also declined several interview requests Wednesday.,

On Tuesday, the State Department called Robertson's remarks "inappropriate." and yelled at him for giving away their plans

someone searched for

what drug smells like fish



i'm DYING to say PUSSY!

but then that would just perpetuate the myth wouldn't it?

omfg

NONONONONONONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

will discuss this when i've calmed down

i'm so glad

that i got an ipod mini. it holds 1000 songs. and i really feel good about the use i'm getting out of it seeing as how i have only listened to one album over and over and over and over...


but
o
m
g
i can't help myself

housesitting and playboy bunnies

yeeehawwww!

hee

so i'm housesitting at my friend's house. and i'm not really doing anything because they took the kids and the dog with them so really i'm just STAYING here. alone. with the pool. it rocks.

so last night i'm flipping channels and i hit E! television and there's another (yes for fuck's sake, ANOTHER) reality show. but this time it's about Hugh Hefner's "girlfriends." it's called GIRLS NEXT DOOR.


so this is holly. and this is what her profile says: "Holly Madison
Age: 25
Hometown: Craig, Alaska
How She Met Hef: Holly first caught Hef's eye when she visited the Mansion for Midsummer Night's Dream, the year's most elegant party. Two days after their first date, Holly moved in but found herself vying with several other girlfriends for Hef's attention. (He's since downsized from seven girlfriends to three.)
She Likes: Being Hef's number-one girl, classic movies, designing her own clothing, party planning, dogs, Disneyland and dill pickles.
Beauty & Brains: Holly is currently studying real estate and business online through UCLA Santa Monica College.
Take Note: She hates exercising but says she "gets her workout in the bedroom."

This is Bridget and here is her profile: "Bridget Marquardt
Age: 31
Hometown: Lodi, California
How She Met Hef: After submitting her photo to Playboy (she didn't get into the magazine), Bridget received a phone call from Hef asking her out on a date. She first thought he was joking, but Bridget was soon living at the Mansion.
She Likes: Pizza; everything horror (including movies, books and Halloween); dressing up in ruffles, polka dots and bows.
Beauty & Brains: The beautiful blonde boasts a B.A. in public relations, a masters' degree in communications and is currently working towards another masters' in broadcast journalism.
Take Note: Bridget religiously attends boot-camp fitness classes and loves to hike."


"Kendra Wilkinson
Age: 20
Hometown: San Diego
How She Met Hef: Kendra, Hef's youngest and newest girlfriend, met him at his 78th birthday party at the Mansion. She was dressed only in body paint. Before their first date, Hef asked Kendra to move in and live as one of his girlfriends.
She Likes: Being a tomboy, watching boxing, the San Diego Chargers, the Philadelphia Eagles, barbecue and Janet Jackson.
Beauty & Brains: Kendra's goal is to have a career as a sports announcer or in sports massage. She attends massage-therapy school five days a week.
Take Note: She claims to have one of the largest Janet Jackson posters in the world on her bedroom wall at the Mansion."

My first disclaimer is to tell you that i have no problem with playboy, hustler, penthouse, onourbacks, etc. i'm a firm believer in freedom of the press AND hot adult publications. although, i don't pay for them. heh, i just take people's leftovers. oh, and maxim, forgot that one. although, i HAVE purchased MAXIM. hee

i'm against other forms of exploitation against minors, women, and foreigners, but i'm not against hot women who are willing to pose naked/half naked and make a lot of money and live in big mansions. good for them. because that is DEFINITELY NOT how i could make money. hee

that being said, that doesn't mean i can't make fun of them, which i'm about to do. heh

so here goes.

they start the show with holly the "#1 girlfriend" being more or less the narrator. and, holly is hot. and then they go through all the girls' profiles, and there was nothing extraordinary until they got to Kendra, who said she was a tomboy. ok, maybe compared to these other glamour gals Kendra is a tomboy. compared to every other tomboy in the world, Kendra is a hot girly girl who is not AFRAID to come off like a tomboy. but definitely tomboy she aint.

so, apparently the "girlfriends" live on the property but they're not bunnies. so when a girl comes to test for the magazine, she is a guest at the mansion during that time. #2 Bridget is seen admitting that she is critical of the other girls until she gets to know them and then she feels bad about being critical because they're nice. and i'm thinking bitch. well it turns out that Bridget tested for the mag and didn't get in, and so even though she's a girlfriend and lives for gawddamn free in the mansion with her ugly persian cat and she's bitter.

kendra takes the new girl to the batting cages and tries to teach her to bat. yeah, blind leading the deaf. hysterical. so after they both suck at it they get into kendra's giant navigator and they drive back to the mansion. Kendra says i'm hungry let's order something so she gets on the cell and calls the mansion. it's classic. the guy answers the phone and says "playboy mansion" and Kendra says "HI! IT'S KENDRA!" guy doesn't give a shit, doesn't smile nothing, "how can i help you?" so she orders lunch (oriental chicken salad and fries for her, pbj with grape jelly and creamy peanut and fries for new girl). this guy was KILLING ME because you could tell he was all, don't pretend we're friends beeyotch.

Apparently, they go out every thursday and this is typically the night before the girls test. they show them at a sushi restaurant and you see these ziplock bags with food and recipes in ziplocks. Hugh takes his OWN food to restaurants with instructions on how to prepare them! SHUT THE FUCK UP! hee! so the girls are getting their food and his isn't ready and he's getting irate. then they go out drinking and dancing and you hear bridget narrating that because the girls test tomorrow she LOVES it when she watches them get all hammered knowing they'll feel like shit for the test tomorrow. OH SHUT IT BRIDGET.

then they show her crying *sob* that her dream her entire life was to be a bunny and *sniff* it just hurts her so much *wipe tear*

i'm over bridget. i hope she gets voted off or whatever they do to chicks on this show.

but you should check it out because it's so gawddamn funny just for the simple fact that they're not even trying to be. hee

*sigh*

i came back from my research trip feeling really good and really successful. while there were a few snafus, i felt it went incredibly well, especially in light of last year's disaster.

i was really excited about the possibilities of the data, future publications and conferences and planning next year's trip. and i thought i have plenty of time and i'm motivated and i'm stoked and here i go.

and then i stopped. well, i didn't stop so much as i was stopped. i feel like i'm starting to feel slightly motivated again but i was so surprised how this whole thing with my dog really tore me up. i can't even tell you how much i loved that damn dog, how much she meant to me and brought me comfort and how incredibly fucking hard it was to put her to sleep after trying so hard to save her. and because i know she loved me so much. and trusted me. and she obediently followed me to her own death. it broke my heart.

when you imagine certain tragedies in life you have some sort of awareness that they would be difficult to deal with. and the kick in the gut i got when i realized that it was so much HARDER than i imagined (and i imagined it would be REALLY hard) and how it knocked the breath out of me.

i'm trying to get back. i'm trying to care about all the hard work i've done and i'm trying to achieve the best possible results from that, but it's like my heart's not in it. and i find everything to do but the things i'm supposed to be doing. or i do nothing. which is even more unheard of for me.

backfat revisited...

i know i have railed in the past about backfat and i'm not sure if i've done it here on this blog or on one of the forums i belong to. i googled my own site and it doesn't come up so i'm thinking it's the forum.

it goes a little somethin' like this.

as a grad student your schedules are different than undergrads, mostly meaning you are on campus working in the lab when not in the field during normal school breaks. so there are days where campus is just quiet and pretty and it's nice. and without looking at the calendar i can tell when school has started up in the fall because of the invasion of BACK FAT!!!!

BACK FAT is the sad result of an otherwise attractive girl in denial over her real body shape and shoves it in the latest fashion that consists of pants so short they threaten to pop out top stray pussy hairs. these pants are exacerbated by the short short tops. now on skinny girls with no tits and curves this may work out for them. for normal girls (or sadly the portly girls) this phenomenon causes whatever flesh they have on their ass and hips (and belly) to be SQUEEEEZED out of the top of the pants and for all the world to see.

i hate it. and i've railed against it for years.

so imagine my delight the other day when in my yahoo news box they talk about the muffin top. and i thought wtf is that and i went to this page:


and saw this

although, i feel vindicated that i'm not the only one who feels this way, i just wish i could find where i posted it so i can prove I TALKED ABOUT IT FIRST!
hee