blech

last week i was listening to a local radio show and that day's topic was pet cloning
the topic was pet cloning. and i'm way against it.

for so MANY reasons, the least of which is that there are thousands of pets that need good homes at so many shelters across the US i really don't see the need to CLONE pre-existing pets. it just seems sick. and it's soooo expensive ($1600.00USD just to BANK the tissue...that doesn't even pay for the cloning), that money could be put to better use, LIKE giving a home to a few animals that need one.

and i'm against it for some other "touchy-feely" reasons, namely if it's so easy to clone something based upon characteristics that are perceived as "good," then what makes anything special? and on top of that, only people with $50,000USD disposable income get to decide what is "good."

i'm thinking about this more intensely because, i may soon be faced with the decision to put down my beloved dog, kayla. her kidneys are failing and she's old, for a dog (13+). i know in my head she's had a good life, and she's been such an amazing dog, and i don't think i could ever replace her. and i don't think i'm supposed to, because then what value did her life have to begin with? if she is so "easily," albeit, expensively replaced. or at least genetically replaced. which brings up another issue, there's not one iota of a guarantee that the clone would be remotely like the original behaviourally, and isn't that essentially the point? i mean i could go out and look at thousands of golden retrievers and find maybe 3 that look just like her but they wouldn't be HER.

anyway, i was thinking about what a vulnerable place people are emotionally during a time like this and i can only imagine that's when it would be easy to take advantage of them in that state and get them (if they have it) to plunk down the cash for this "service."

i mean seriously, i've been wrecked over the last week dealing with kayla and the vet and this decision. yesterday at work i puked my guts up (which i NEVER do - i hate throwing up) and one minute i was ok and the next i was running for the back room filling the trash can. i'm just so tied up inside about this and my heart is breaking. it's the kind of thing where if you think about it in the abstract, like, i know when my dog gets old i may have to put her down, but when you're here in the moment, what makes it worse is the kick to the gut with the realization it is sooo much harder than you EVER imagined and you wonder how you're going to handle it. and then you vomit at work and you realize, hmmm, you're NOT handling this.

so, in my state, looking at her, bawling my eyes out i can't help the thoughts that sneak in my head. isn't there ANYTHING i can do? and then i think if i had a couple of hundred thousand around would i do it? and would i only be doing it to assuage my guilt for having to put her down. kind of like convincing myself i'll be bringing her back to life...

i don't know. for the most part i don't think so, because something else comes in and tells me i won't be getting another dog for a very very very very long time, and the major reason for that is that i know there will NEVER be another dog like her.