hee *snort*

ok, so one of the bonuses of working in mexico is the complete lack of television and internet.

not to say, mexico doesn't have television nor internet, but merely when I am in mexico i don't have regular and free access to either. and frankly, i'm ok with it. it makes you think about what you can really live without, such as assy bad news and stiff fake tv people. so having been away from tv, the news, etc. for over 2 months i'm lmao that the biggest gawddamn news is tom cruise and katie holmes.

O
M
F
G

are you kidding me? first of all, does anyone really give a shit? i mean seriously. for me, the only reason i followed the tom cruise/penelope cruz relationship was because i knew it was all fake, and that's only because i KNOW that penelope would NEVER EVER NEVER cheat on me and that she was just tom's beard (oh come on! you KNOW IT!)

ANYWAY...

some of the ways i've attempted to catch up on the news is to listen to the archives of WAIT! WAIT! DON'T TELL ME! http://www.npr.org/programs/waitwait/archives.html

i love it. i'm informed AND entertained by some pretty funny and extremely intelligent people.

i've also gone into one of my favorite websites www.televisionwithoutpity.com. i love their snarky hatefulness. worship them in fact. so i say this with mixed emotions that i saw that britney fucking spears has a reality show on UPN; mixed because OMFG BRITNEYSPEARSHASAFUCKINGREALITYSHOW!!!!!!@#$%^&)(*&^%$#@ and OMFG I KNOW TWOP IS GOING TO
RIP
HER
APART

and i'm filled with glee and having only read two episodes i am happily sickened by her retarded ass. hee. and not only has STEE capped completely on britney he managed to include TOM CRUISE in his diatribe. DOUBLE HEE.

please witness:

http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/story.cgi?show=149&story=8048&limit=&sort=
"Who Said Anything About Love
By Stee | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 2005.05.24 pg 1 of 6
------------------------------------------------------------------------
'While I would much rather be recapping Tom Cruise jumping his own self-made Scientology-loving shark on Oprah, dragging Katie Holmes out against her will… All right, I will recap it. Quickly. Here it is: "Look! I love women! I love me some vagina. Look. Look how I chewed Katie's lips off with my hetero-love-passion! Check it out. I love black people, too! Oh, yes. Black women. Tina Turner gave me roses, that's how motherfucking vagina-loving my shit is. I'd friggin' wear a vagina if I could, but in a really manly way. Intense? Hell yeah, I'm intense. Look, I help people. I'm known for that. I'll get your kids off Ritalin if you just donate a billion dollars to The L. Ron Hubbard Home For Terrible Sci-Fi Fiction and Freaky C-List Yeardley-Smith-Level Celebrities. See, I told you I was known for helping people. You know what else I'm known for? Fucking gay porn stars and then suing the balls out of their mouths when they come out with the story. What? Yeah, my children are black? Fuck you, Oprah. How dare you even notice something like the color of someone's skin. That's how fucking non-racist I am. I didn't even know my kids were black. I thought they were very tan. You're black? See! I didn't even know that! Now I'm going to stand on your couch until you get me some vagina right the fuck now!!! Go see War of the Worlds, opening June 29th! And then go hump some vagina, cuz that's what I'll be doing!'"

*SNORT*

i read further and i realize that normally i hate people for taking the words right out of my mouth and i hate people more for saying it better but GAWDDAMMIT if i were not gay i would fuck STEE:
"But since I can't recap that, I'll take it out on the second biggest televised train-wreck of the week. Previously… Various shots. Boobney (pregnant lactating BritBrit now) talks about why she took videocam footage on tour and lonely and waaaaah. Various shots from the Cirque Du So Gay tour of hers. Annoying the make-up people. K-Fed's post-coitus douchebag over-the-shoulder come-hither-slash-"Where is my meth?" look. Boobney explains to us that being rich means you can meet a herpes-riddled boy with two children at home and a career going nowhere quicker than Billy Joel after the first turn at the Indy 500, and after one quick fuck in the bathroom at the Beauty Bar and invite him to lie to his baby momma and join you in Europe for some sparkling convo and the occasional deep-dicking. BritBrit films K-Fed lying on a balcony."

FUCK

i gotta stop typing because i'm going to finish reading this while drinking this beer and LAUGHING
MY
FUCKING
EVIL
ASS
OFF

thankyouverymuch