catching up
i've never been one to have a ton of friends. i tend to have 2-3 really good friends, and the whole rest of the world to hate. and it's quite possible that those friends will have a whole big circle of friends besides me but i've always just kind of been the type of person who didn't want to be around anyone unless i really liked them. i find it just too painful to be around people and interact with them if i don't know them or i don't like them. and of course, this in itself becomes a double-edged sword because 1) how do you get to know people? and 2) it can be potentially smothering for the few friends. oh, not that i've done that...just saying it could happen...lol
anyway, i just started thinking about this the other day because an old friend of mine that i lost touch with popped back in my life. and it just made me think about the quality of friendship and whatnot. her and i used to be super good friends. and of course, people could say well if you were such good friends how come you lost touch. i can't say why. shit happens but i think the important thing, and the main thing i've been thinking about is that she found me, she contacted me. i was so excited and the coolest thing was that i called her and it was like we just talked yesterday. nothing had changed. well, of course everything in our lives had changed but nothing between us had changed.
we used to work together when i did graphic arts and she came to work there as a typesetter. well, most typesetters before her were old biddies that looked down on me. hee i was energetic and sarcastic and didn't kiss nobody's ass. and it was clear to everyone that i either liked you or i wouldn't even sweat you and so of course that kind of personality type divides people pretty sharply. so when my friend, K, came to work there i was so excited that someone younger than the biddies and potentially fun was there. and my relationship with K was very similar to my other friendships where i was completely spastic and everyone knew it and K seemed incredibly normal around everyone else, but with me was completely spastic and fun. after knowing each other at work we became really good friends and so on occasion when K was slightly spastic in front of other co-workers, i was "accused" of corrupting her. and that used to crack me the hell up, like i really had that kind of power over another person. but i did love how people i liked felt completely comfortable around me to truly be themselves.
it also made me laugh that people thought i had corrupted her! HA! when it had been completely the other way around. a lot of people don't know this but i used to be a major goody two shoes. a lot of it stemmed from my mother. she had a fantastic way of scaring the hell out of you and laying the guilt trip on. a sample convo would go like this:
mother "you know if you ever did drugs it would break your grandpa's heat"
me, "i don't do drugs"
mother "well, if you ever lost your virginity before you got married they would stop loving you"
me, "um, mom, i'm 8"
ack! she was so fucked up. so anyway, i was a good kid partially because i really was just a good kid. i also know that part of it was i was so fucking scared my mom might be right (her suggestion that they or her could stop loving me was put out there constantly, she even went as far as to show us she couldn't love us by letting our step-father beat us and mess with us).
so after having a falling out with my mother in my early 20's i did all the experimenting you're supposed to do in highschool at that age and as you can imagine as a pent up good kid i went a little overboard. hee. but a lot of it i did with K and it was a fucking blast.
when she quit that job i was so sad. and she would say we'll still be in touch and we did for awhile. and then we dropped out for awhile, got in touch again and then lost track again. until now. and it was so awesome to talk to her because she was there when i first went back to school and changed my life over a decade ago. it was just nice to talk to her and hear her say "man you really did it! i'm so proud of you." she knew me way back when, knew me through some major shit, knew all my flaws and exactly how nuts i am and she accepted all of it. it was just so good to hear from someone who realizes exactly how far i've come. and we also laughed so gawdamn hard and it was so funny because i know her so well i could totally see her face when she was telling me how she did something or acted a certain way. and it just came at the perfect time. but the awesome thing was when she even said "oh M, i just feel like we haven't lost any time at all!" i just don't think it gets better than that. no guilt, no blame, who lost touch or whatever, it was just all pleasure to hear from each other and know that the friendship itself was still very much intact.
it couldn't have come at a better time.
anyway, i just started thinking about this the other day because an old friend of mine that i lost touch with popped back in my life. and it just made me think about the quality of friendship and whatnot. her and i used to be super good friends. and of course, people could say well if you were such good friends how come you lost touch. i can't say why. shit happens but i think the important thing, and the main thing i've been thinking about is that she found me, she contacted me. i was so excited and the coolest thing was that i called her and it was like we just talked yesterday. nothing had changed. well, of course everything in our lives had changed but nothing between us had changed.
we used to work together when i did graphic arts and she came to work there as a typesetter. well, most typesetters before her were old biddies that looked down on me. hee i was energetic and sarcastic and didn't kiss nobody's ass. and it was clear to everyone that i either liked you or i wouldn't even sweat you and so of course that kind of personality type divides people pretty sharply. so when my friend, K, came to work there i was so excited that someone younger than the biddies and potentially fun was there. and my relationship with K was very similar to my other friendships where i was completely spastic and everyone knew it and K seemed incredibly normal around everyone else, but with me was completely spastic and fun. after knowing each other at work we became really good friends and so on occasion when K was slightly spastic in front of other co-workers, i was "accused" of corrupting her. and that used to crack me the hell up, like i really had that kind of power over another person. but i did love how people i liked felt completely comfortable around me to truly be themselves.
it also made me laugh that people thought i had corrupted her! HA! when it had been completely the other way around. a lot of people don't know this but i used to be a major goody two shoes. a lot of it stemmed from my mother. she had a fantastic way of scaring the hell out of you and laying the guilt trip on. a sample convo would go like this:
mother "you know if you ever did drugs it would break your grandpa's heat"
me, "i don't do drugs"
mother "well, if you ever lost your virginity before you got married they would stop loving you"
me, "um, mom, i'm 8"
ack! she was so fucked up. so anyway, i was a good kid partially because i really was just a good kid. i also know that part of it was i was so fucking scared my mom might be right (her suggestion that they or her could stop loving me was put out there constantly, she even went as far as to show us she couldn't love us by letting our step-father beat us and mess with us).
so after having a falling out with my mother in my early 20's i did all the experimenting you're supposed to do in highschool at that age and as you can imagine as a pent up good kid i went a little overboard. hee. but a lot of it i did with K and it was a fucking blast.
when she quit that job i was so sad. and she would say we'll still be in touch and we did for awhile. and then we dropped out for awhile, got in touch again and then lost track again. until now. and it was so awesome to talk to her because she was there when i first went back to school and changed my life over a decade ago. it was just nice to talk to her and hear her say "man you really did it! i'm so proud of you." she knew me way back when, knew me through some major shit, knew all my flaws and exactly how nuts i am and she accepted all of it. it was just so good to hear from someone who realizes exactly how far i've come. and we also laughed so gawdamn hard and it was so funny because i know her so well i could totally see her face when she was telling me how she did something or acted a certain way. and it just came at the perfect time. but the awesome thing was when she even said "oh M, i just feel like we haven't lost any time at all!" i just don't think it gets better than that. no guilt, no blame, who lost touch or whatever, it was just all pleasure to hear from each other and know that the friendship itself was still very much intact.
it couldn't have come at a better time.
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