now hiring...well, anybody really...

in order to comply with the freaking fix-it ticket i got the other night, i went to kragen to get a replacement headlight for my car. i walk to the counter and say "hi, i need a replacement headlight for a 1997 toyota tercel." the counter boy types a bunch of stuff in the computer and then walks from behind the counter to one of the aisles in the store and i start thinking, ok, this is odd, i already cruised all the aisles and didn't see any headlamps, that's why i asked counter boy. he walks to an aisle full of bulbs and points and says "here" and starts to walk away. i follow him and say "but i need the whole headlight..."

"is it glass or plastic"

"oh, i don't know, i think it's glass. it's parked right out front."

counter boy walks to the door, looks out and i point out my car. he says "it's glass."

"ok, then i need a glass one."

"we don't carry them."

"do you carry them in plastic?"

"no."

"so, then it doesn't really matter if it was glass or plastic..."

*blink*blink*

buck fush

i realize i've been relatively quiet about the whole opening of the arctic refuge to oil drilling and frankly it's because there simply is not enough alcohol or cusswords that would make me feel better about talking about it.

but for a quiet moment of solace i can always count on the onion

my chaos

i am pigpen. i've always been this way. i don't know but i can find a million things i'd rather be doing than clean my room, so i do them. although, i have to admit, it is sloppy but NOT overly dirty. i know some of my type_A friends (which i think is all of them...) will not make that distinction. but i do...lol so gran just shuts my door. AND, believe it or not, i do know where everything is.

i had a good run a long time ago. when i lived with my ex-girlfriend, it was very important to her that the house be clean and so i respected that, so i worked very hard to be organized. and she was a bit on the other end, though, too. she wouldn't leave the house on weekends until the house was spotless top to bottom and i like to get an early start to things and GO, but with her we never left the house before 1 pm between the cleaning and feeding her kids and getting packed and everything. and of course, i would try to help but she had her "way" of doing things so i wasn't really "helping."

now that i'm leaving for three months, gran has thrown the book at me so to speak, lol, and all of this must be clean and my pearbox bookshelves must be put in storage.

oh and if you're curious, i am just living in this room, that whole shelf thing you see is my gran's decorating, NOT mine. i also laugh because the shelving is basicly a shrine to my little sister. so yeah, not only do i suffer the humiliation of not even being able to afford my own place to live, i live in a room in my gran's house that is a shrine to my LITTLE sister. *sigh*

the only decorating that I can claim are the cool fish hanging in the corner.

hee

feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh!

i like it when someone sez it better than me

although i've made it clear how i feel about this whole terry schiavo thing but tom tomorrow delves a little deeper and sez it better, especially with regard to our "life is precious" bushwhack of a president.

lessons learned

last night i learned that when the cop pulls you over and says "do you know why i pulled you over?"

don't say "because i'm drunk?"

because it turns out it might just be your headlight is out.

hangin' with gran

so the other day i had to take gran to the doctor and because her appointment wasn't until the afternoon i lugged her around while doing my own errands. i was flipping stations on the radio trying to find something to listen to when i got to the spanish station and could hear the beginning of a shakira song. the dj kept talking over the beginning of the song

me: (yelling at radio) shutup dj! shakira's going to SING!
dj shuts up, shakira starts singing, 30 seconds pass
gran: what's wrong with her voice?
me: what the hell are you talking about?
gran: (starts making high pitched warbly noise with her mouth pointed towards the sky, stops, looks at me and starts cracking up)
me: (dirty look burning holes in gran's head) nobody likes you (cranks radio up)
gran: (still laughing, the bitch)

**end scene**

*gulp*

remember my mini movie reviews i did the other day? well, i was at afterellen and there is a review of mango kiss, the movie i was too tired to discuss. well, part of the reason was because it was a lesbian movie and i wasn't all that impressed with it i just didn't feel the need to go into it.

then i go here and read about one of the lead characters played by michelle wolff. now i wasn't attracted to her character and i thought she was a bit wimpy and wishy washy letting her girlfriend walk all over her. and i see this:


and well, FUCK ME RUNNING BATMAN!!! do you see those abs???? jeebus...

i was going to say, i should rent that movie again but then i thought, nah, i would TOTALLY remember if those abs were in that movie!

love the snark

hee

always one to crush on someone's snarkiness. found this through the bloggies awards nominations and winners list. go fug yourself. it was so gawwwwdamn funny i sat through fucking dialup to read it and see who they were ripping on.

new blog

hee

started a new blog just for my research trip. have to keep it clean cuz i'm also going to give the link to my profs. and if you think i'm going to post the link here then you are soooo retarded! hee

comment bitches!

for the few readers i have that didn't get here randomly googling about their smelly vaginas, or even WORSE googling "grandma + vagina" sick bastards, i have this to say:

COMMENT!

OR

from now on i will no longer respond to emails begging me to blog. got it?

oh and none of this anonymous shit, either. chickens

i heart netflix, part deux

so i know i've already professed my love for netflix but i just gotta say it again.

and i'm also kind of sad that i'm going to have to cancel my membership soon. i'm going to be leaving for three months for my research project and frankly, even though it is affordable and much cheaper for me to rent all those movies for that flat fee, i just can't afford to pay for it while i'm gone.

but we won't dwell on that right now. right now we will revel in the joy that is netflix. i can't say enough how my taste in movies is so different from the other hicks that live around this town. and i'm not just talking about the lesbian-thing, well ok i AM talking a bit about the lesbian thing...hee

anyway, here are some of the joys i've experienced with netflix:

my rental history in reverse order (i.e. the most recent movie is first...) with my own mini review. also, i'm a bit surprised this list seems so short because i really feel like i've seen a lot of movies. i guess it could partly be due to the fact that i'm not used to seeing this many movies ever so it just felt like a ton. also, i will not hold back any spoiler info while talking about them.

Donnie Darko: Director's Cut (2001)-I MUST OWN THIS MOVIE. nuff said.

Fire (1996) - Lesbian themed. I thought this movie was wonderful. I think it was well made and not overexploitative and it really showed how these women became close and loved each other. AND it didn't have a lesbian drama tragic end. you know, they have a forbidden love and it's hot for awhile and then of course, they must be punished for following their hearts and veering from the mainstream one of the lovers must die. no, their journey is not easy, neither for them or for those around them, but you really see the gentleness and love between them and it's just wonderful. and as much as i like me some masturbation material, i enjoyed that because the story is so good that the sex scenes were not gratuitous.

Northfork (2003) - i still can't put my finger on what exactly i like about this movie, but i have to say it fascinated me so much that i kept it for a month and watched it twice more and i especially enjoyed it after watching the making of documentary. i remember when the movie first came out and it was reviewed in the city paper. i've always loved reading reviews and our paper has a special weekend section where they spotlight many of the goings on including the new movie releases. i really liked the reviewer and he never pulled any punches for dumbass movies and i usually liked all the movies he recommended (when i got the chance to go to the movies). i remember reading the review and thinking wtf? that sounds so strange and it was strange to watch and but it was also so interesting and surreal i just loved it.

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season 1: Vol. 1 (2000) - HA! another reason to soo love netflix! all the shows you don't get because you don't have cable are all there on DVD! this show is hilarious and ridiculous and SMART! love it!

Casa de los Babys (2003) - i reeeeeeeeeeaaaaalllllly really really wanted to like this movie. john sayles directed, some of my favorite actresses were in it. but it was really trying to do too much and it really didn't do any of them well as a result. american women go to a small latin american village to receive their adopted latin american baby. some have been there for months, others are newer, all have a different story to tell. they also have the gamut of stereotypes. and of course there is the whole social issue of who is being exploited, is it the mothers? the babies? the americans? and of course i'm very protective of mexico and i think many americans can be the most gigantic, closed-minded asses there for some reason, and so the rude american woman just grated so much on my nerves i couldn't get past it to take anything else in.

Morvern Callar (2002) - i had seen this movie on the shelf for a long time at the video store but i had never really heard anything about it to plunk down my $4. and for fuck's sake people please don't try to trick me out of my money by keeping a two-year old movie on the NEW RELEASES wall. jeebus. so i thought i'd get it through netflix and, well, let's just say i'm glad i didn't spend the $4.

Under the Sand (2000) - another movie where i had read the review and really wanted to see it but never got a chance to. it's fascinating and sad and probably much slower for a lot of people. but basicly an attractive woman who just absolutely adores her big fat french warty husband goes on their yearly holiday and as she falls asleep on the beach he goes for a swim. when she wakes up she has no idea how long she'd been sleeping and her husband is nowhere. did he drown? did he leave her? the rest of the movie is about her moving on (or not) french with english subtitles.

Head in the Clouds (2004) - what an incredibly, laughably BAD BAD BAD MOVIE! omg. and i so wanted to like it because the rumors were swirling about the bisexuality in the movie and that my girlfriend

*gulp* ahem, well penelope was the female love interest of charlize theron. what a complete fucking letdown, not only was there a complete paucity of charlize on penelope action but the storyline, acting, plot, continuity, the ability to care about these characters was completely missing. unless of course for the wonderful entrances of my lovely penelope. *sigh*

Sexo, Pudor y Lagrimas (1999) - Mexican movie in spanish (NOT "mexican" you troglodites - god i hate when people say oh you speak mexican? fucking retards, more reasons to hate people, like i need that) with english subtitles. Sex, Shame, and Tears. you gotta love foreign movies because this one's a COMEDY! hee. and it had lots of sex. the storyline involves three women and three men, two of them in couples, sexual politics and what we give up for work or what happens when we marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons. i liked it, except there was a fucked up plot twist where one of the characters gets killed in a totally retarded way and you're thinking oh that was so stupid and unnecessary.

Twin Falls Idaho (1999) - this movie was made by the same people as NORTHFORK (above), the Polish twins. They play siamese twin brothers looking for their birthmother. For their birthday, they try to get a hooker and she skeves on them but then feels bad and becomes their friend. it's a movie that i saw the ending of on IFC one time flipping channels while staying at a friend's house that had cable. it intrigued me and i always wanted to see it. it's a slow movie but since i have no interest in "the pacifier" or "meet the fockers" i guess i'm a bit of a snob and i enjoyed it. it also made me interested in the brothers and i looked them up on the internet and realized that they were the ones also responsible for another indy film i wanted to see, Northfork.

Strangers with Candy: Season 1: Disc 1 (1999) - if penelope ever dumps me i'm going to marry amy sedaris, whether she likes it or not

Secretary (2002) - loved, loved LOVED, LOVED this movie. and maggie is just adorable in a geeky, not gorgeous, clumsy way. and then when she emerges as this complete sex-pot submissive part way through i fell in love with her on the spot.

Chutney Popcorn (2000) - lesbian flick. it's hard to judge lesbian flicks. there are sooo few out there that you glom onto them and want so bad for them to be good. and then they're not but because there aren't that many it becomes one of the top ten lesbian movies. there were some cute scenes in the movie and it didn't suck. there were a lot of issues to be dealt with, the main character is Indian (middle eastern, not injun...heh) and of course she bucks tradition anyway regardless of being a lesbian. the plot centers around her newly married sister can't have kids so the sister offers to be the surrogate. the weird plot twist that blew my mind was the fact that after she was carrying the baby for her sister, her sister didn't want it. and of course the girlfriend wasn't so thrilled to begin with but now that the she was going to keep the kid herself it freaks her out. i have to admit though that the husband through all this was a very compassionate and patient guy and i really liked him in this movie. this movie is a good first effort but not on the level of BOUND or HIGH ART, both good movies with lesbians that rocked this dyke's world.

The Dancer Upstairs (2002) - awesome awesome movie. of course, some may consider it slow because it actually bothers to tell a story. based upon real events and set in a war/revolution torn latin american country under martial law. it was directed by john malcovich who i think does a wonderful job and stars javier bardem who i think is such an incredible actor and such an incredibly sexy human being. he just comes across as this incredibly principled hard-working person, yet so human as well. excellent excellent movie. the only thing that i didn't like, or was just slightly bugged by was that it was in english. i mean it's not like droves of people saw it in the theater so i don't know having it in spanish would have alienated people anymore than a really good story told in an intelligent way does.

Absolutely Fabulous: Series 1 (1992) - FABULOUS! these selfish, drunk bitches are my heroes. don't have to have netflix send me more because a friend just gave me the four series DVD box set. hee

The Door in the Floor (2004) - interesting movie. i don't know if it was intentional but this intense and sad drama turns into a comedy half way through and then turns back to drama. but, then life's like that too so it was good. very interesting movie to watch with your gran seeing as how kim basinger is having sex with the teenage assistant of her husband every five minutes.

Treading Water (2001) - another lesbian movie that's hard to completely like but hard to hate. some of the plot was ridiculous and felt so high school original play acting in it. this is the description from the wolfe films website and on the DVD

Casey is a longshorewoman who seems to have everything she wants; she lives on a boat with her beautiful social worker girlfriend Alex, and they are very much in love. But there's nothing like the holidays to bring out the drama of the average family. Casey has rejected her privileged upbringing and restores old boats for a living just across the bay from her upper crust New England family. The proximity seems no accident: Casey can't quite let go, despite her family's judgmental and inescapable hold on her otherwise independent and unconventional life. When the family reunites for Christmas, the unwrapping of presents takes a back seat to the unraveling of emotions.

Beautifully filmed on the New England coast, Director Lauren Himmel uses great care in avoiding stereotypes and clichés to fashion a tender, subtle, tense and sometimes funny look at repression and the idea of family.

UM, where to begin. first of all, stereotypes and cliches abound!!! and the whole "drama" thing is this overbearing awful mother that won't accept her daughter is a lesbian. i guess from reading the synopsis i just presumed that the lesbian issue was a problem for the whole family and that she was ostracized, when in actuallity the mother is the worst human being on the planet and treats EVERYONE like shit. i hated her. and don't get me started on how she reminded me of my mother with the guilt trippy shit about how her family was making her miserable on purpose when everyone else seems pretty normal but so mommywhipped due to extreme exhaustion from being around this soulsucking woman. ack it was awful.

and besides that, i'm no expert on longshoremen or women, but let me tell you how they demonstrate what a longshorewoman casey is. we see her get up early, take out her little whaler, pull up next to a buoy, pull up the rope and voila, a single trap, with not one single crustacean in it. then casey makes a sad face and puts the trap back. next thing we see she's BACK HOME before her girlfriend wakes up and tries to wake her up and it's supposed to be cute she's all stinky. ok besides the whole exposition of the ONE crab pot, she clearly has no boating experience and the scene just comes off as extremely retarded. and i know, people are saying, but it's a movie and i say exactly, so make me fucking believe it. she's an actor so ACT like a fucking longshorewoman. and since this plot point really isn't so essential to the story except for the fact that it demonstrates that casey isn't exactly girly. as a director i would have shot the scene a couple times and then said "ok you know what? you're a completely retarded longshorewoman. how 'bout we just bring up the fact that you're a longshorewoman in conversation. great. move along..."

but what i really liked about this movie was alex. she would have to be the most awesome girlfriend ever. and the scenes with her in them are the best. she's just so down to earth and real. doesn't let her girlfriend wallow in drama or self-pity. and the two scenes where you see just the two of them interact she's so loving and sexy. it was awesome. the only bummer was that they had an extended love scene on the extras and IT DIDN'T FUCKING WORK!! now that's evil for ya!

Next Stop Wonderland (1998) - another movie i heard about a long time ago and wanted to see. it was great. but once again a bit slow for all you fuckers that need explosions every 20 seconds. just a cute movie about finding love and chance and whether it really is chance or pre-ordained. and of course, the bonus was, and i didn' tknow this, an aquarium plays a key role in it so fun! blue! fish!

Lost in Translation (2003) - i LOVED bill murray in this movie. didn't see the attraction with scarlett johansen. people are fascinated with her. i thought she was ok, maybe even a little pathetic. bill, well he just kicks ass! of course, i didn't get sofia coppola's last movie or the hype either around the VIRGIN SUICIDES.

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) - what can i say that hasn't been said? great fucking movie

The Matrix: Reloaded (2003) - meh. the matrix was revolutionary in style and substance. reloaded and the other one were just beating the dead horse. the only thing i liked about it was the soundtrack. especially rob dougan's "clubbed to death" during a fight scene.

Under the Tuscan Sun (2003) - great movie! some lesbian subtext. diane lane's best friend is a lesbian in a relationship and because they're trying to get pregnant let recently dumped diane take their tickets for a gay tour of italy. well, she decides to buy a run-down villa in tuscany and fix it up and live there. just a really cute movie with a happy ending but not the characteristic obvious happy ending but a more realistic one in a way, and one that talks more about the difference between what we think we want and makes us happy and what life gives and we make ourselves happy with it.

Whale Rider (2003) - such a beautiful movie. i just loved that little girl. rave rave rave.

Mango Kiss (2004) - another lesbian flick. meh. i don't have the energy right now...lol
Big Eden (2000) - a GAY film. very cute! actually had a very good story and good acting. some parts were a bit cliche but others were wonderful and very heartwarming.
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) - hee. mindless drivel. love vince vaughn. i think ben stiller had amazing talent at one time and now he's coasting on mindless comedies. sad sad sad. but you gotta love a guy in a wheelchair that throws wrenches and says "if you can dodge wrenches, then you can dodge balls!" heh priceless. or the "nobody makes me bleed my own blood! NOBODY!" so sufficiently retarded from that bonehead character.

ok folks, that's all for now of my netflix love.

now, i'm spent.

oh please let me die

i don't even know where to start with this whole terry schiavo thing.

first of all, i want it out there: un.plug.me. if i'm in a permanent vegetative state, please rest assured, i do not want to be that way. SECOND, if you want to unplug me from a heart machine, or a lung machine then just unplug it. BUT if you're going to unplug my fucking feeding tube then for fuck's sake O.D. me on morphine, whatever. i can't believe the only option for this woman is to be starved to death. i can't believe that people who have such a high regard for "life" don't have the compassion and self-awareness to realize that a quick painless death on morphine is a much preferred choice over staying in a vegetative state or starving to death.

and speaking of the meddling fucking "pro-life" people and all the people in congress who are now debating this issue: WHAT! THE! FUCK! you want to debate how precious life is over a woman who, i'm sorry, for all intents and purposes is not alive. she is not living nor enjoying life and for her parents: let it go! millions of parents lose children every day, and it is PAINFUL! it is awful all the different circumstances that ANYONE can lose a loved one. but that is also a part of life. life is full of pain and it basicly sucks. and the more you interact with other bipedal hominids, the MORE it sucks. but it kills me that an arm of our government is sooooo gawdamn concerned over this woman and the concept of "life" that they are completely overlooking all the FUCKING LIFE being lost in IRAQ! ours and theirs! gawdamn hypocrites!

gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

i have ipod envy

i used to be a really envious person when i was younger. i would envy the girls that didn't have to wear their uncle's hand-me-downs. i would envy the popular kids who didn't get harassed on the bus every morning and afternoon. i would envy my friends whose parents were extremely normal and wonderfully nice to me.

as i got older, i would envy the people who made more money than me or got promoted over me and didn't deserve it. and then one day, when i got my life straightened out, when i figured out at age 25 what i wanted to be when i grew up it all seemed to go away. and while i was going to school and people would ask how much money a marine biologist makes and i said squat they would question the wisdom of my decision. and i would never waver, i would feel completely ok that i absolutely LOVE what i was learning and where i was going that it didn't bother me when people talked about money. and those friends that i had back then have all continually garnered financial success in their fields while i stayed in my barely-barely-above-poverty income bracket. and that is not a plea for sympathy, it's a statement against our gov't that i can live at poverty level, try to get an education which everyone should at least have access to, and my tuition fees go up and up every year and i pay almost a fifth of my "income" in taxes, while people who own humvees and giant SUV's or make millions get tax breaks. [/end rant]

oops sorry lost track there.

so anyway, now i find myself having ipod envy and it's just awful!!! i had seen some people with ipods, and my friend T got one from her husband for anniversary and that was fine. but then, my best friend got an ipod from her husband for christmas and she had no clue how to use it. and bless her, i LOVE my best friend. she is my family and she cracks me up everytime i come around she's always saying "buck can you look at my (insert here: computer, scanner, printer, etc.). i can't figure out what the hell is going on..." so i do. and then she got the ipod and she needed help setting it up and that was all fine. and so i helped her set it up and i felt my first twinge. it started out as a simple, oh this is cool.

and then a month later, the ipod hasn't been touched. it's still sitting by the computer and i said, "hey, how's the ipod" and she said "oh, i haven't used it. i want to use it for working out but i need to put workout music on it...." ACK! a shiny little ipod left sitting all alone on the desk for a month!!!???

UHOH am i feeling...dare i say it...envious..?

about this time i started to realize, as i walk around campus, that everyone has an ipod. you heard me...everyone... every person that i walk by has the little white earpods in their ears and a white cord snaking in to a pocket, backpack, jacket...everyone except me.

fast forward another month, poor little neglected ipod was still on the desk and S says to me "oh, hey, buck can you show me how to work my ipod..."

and i look down at the little ipod and all of a sudden i think "has that shiny little ipod always been green?" or was it just me?

so i set the thing up for her and now i really feel the twinge. what a compact little design. oh and look how much music it holds. wouldn't it be nice to be in the gym and not have the giant cd player that doesn't fit on the shelf of the equipment and goes crashing down to the floor when i really get into my workout and rip my inner ears out? oh and and and to be able to set up multiple workout playlists? yes, yes indeedy that would be nice.

so the next day at school i start looking at ipods on the apple site and the amazon.com and holy fuck! THOSE THINGS ARE EXPENSIVE! i mean seriously, $299!!! for a regular ipod. how am i seeing so many? do people really have that much disposable income??? i mean these are students!!! they're not the most expensive electronic item ever but i'm absolutely surprised that it's such a widespread commodity at that price. i can't say i see the equal amount of high priced items throughout campus like i see ipods. the only comparison i can make is with bikes. there are bikes everywhere, nobody in this town doesn't have a bike. it's a very bike-friendly campus and town. but not every student owns a $300 SPECIALIZED. there's a range of brands at different prices. but not with mp3 players. everyone has a freaking ipod!

damn, whoever came up with the ipod at apple is most definitely shitting into a golden toilet.

catching up

i've never been one to have a ton of friends. i tend to have 2-3 really good friends, and the whole rest of the world to hate. and it's quite possible that those friends will have a whole big circle of friends besides me but i've always just kind of been the type of person who didn't want to be around anyone unless i really liked them. i find it just too painful to be around people and interact with them if i don't know them or i don't like them. and of course, this in itself becomes a double-edged sword because 1) how do you get to know people? and 2) it can be potentially smothering for the few friends. oh, not that i've done that...just saying it could happen...lol

anyway, i just started thinking about this the other day because an old friend of mine that i lost touch with popped back in my life. and it just made me think about the quality of friendship and whatnot. her and i used to be super good friends. and of course, people could say well if you were such good friends how come you lost touch. i can't say why. shit happens but i think the important thing, and the main thing i've been thinking about is that she found me, she contacted me. i was so excited and the coolest thing was that i called her and it was like we just talked yesterday. nothing had changed. well, of course everything in our lives had changed but nothing between us had changed.

we used to work together when i did graphic arts and she came to work there as a typesetter. well, most typesetters before her were old biddies that looked down on me. hee i was energetic and sarcastic and didn't kiss nobody's ass. and it was clear to everyone that i either liked you or i wouldn't even sweat you and so of course that kind of personality type divides people pretty sharply. so when my friend, K, came to work there i was so excited that someone younger than the biddies and potentially fun was there. and my relationship with K was very similar to my other friendships where i was completely spastic and everyone knew it and K seemed incredibly normal around everyone else, but with me was completely spastic and fun. after knowing each other at work we became really good friends and so on occasion when K was slightly spastic in front of other co-workers, i was "accused" of corrupting her. and that used to crack me the hell up, like i really had that kind of power over another person. but i did love how people i liked felt completely comfortable around me to truly be themselves.

it also made me laugh that people thought i had corrupted her! HA! when it had been completely the other way around. a lot of people don't know this but i used to be a major goody two shoes. a lot of it stemmed from my mother. she had a fantastic way of scaring the hell out of you and laying the guilt trip on. a sample convo would go like this:

mother "you know if you ever did drugs it would break your grandpa's heat"

me, "i don't do drugs"

mother "well, if you ever lost your virginity before you got married they would stop loving you"

me, "um, mom, i'm 8"

ack! she was so fucked up. so anyway, i was a good kid partially because i really was just a good kid. i also know that part of it was i was so fucking scared my mom might be right (her suggestion that they or her could stop loving me was put out there constantly, she even went as far as to show us she couldn't love us by letting our step-father beat us and mess with us).

so after having a falling out with my mother in my early 20's i did all the experimenting you're supposed to do in highschool at that age and as you can imagine as a pent up good kid i went a little overboard. hee. but a lot of it i did with K and it was a fucking blast.

when she quit that job i was so sad. and she would say we'll still be in touch and we did for awhile. and then we dropped out for awhile, got in touch again and then lost track again. until now. and it was so awesome to talk to her because she was there when i first went back to school and changed my life over a decade ago. it was just nice to talk to her and hear her say "man you really did it! i'm so proud of you." she knew me way back when, knew me through some major shit, knew all my flaws and exactly how nuts i am and she accepted all of it. it was just so good to hear from someone who realizes exactly how far i've come. and we also laughed so gawdamn hard and it was so funny because i know her so well i could totally see her face when she was telling me how she did something or acted a certain way. and it just came at the perfect time. but the awesome thing was when she even said "oh M, i just feel like we haven't lost any time at all!" i just don't think it gets better than that. no guilt, no blame, who lost touch or whatever, it was just all pleasure to hear from each other and know that the friendship itself was still very much intact.

it couldn't have come at a better time.

i'm spent

i finished my finals and i turned in my extra credit report.

i'm spent.

i have drank beer.

i'm now going to consume more beer and corned beef and cabbage.

i may have even just sharted since i've been drinking so much tomatoe and apple juice the last two weeks...

physical education

i had to go get a complete physical today for my SCUBA clearance and part of that is a chest xray. after you change into the gown they give you these "nipple markers" that are tiny bandaids with a small lead shot in them.

x-rays with and without
she said you have to put these on so they mark your nipples on the x-ray because the flesh is denser there and it let's the doctor know they're nipples and not masses. well, i was already so nervous and sweaty after the tetanus shot, the bloodwork, the urinalysis, they spyro test because i HATE needles (i have to be strapped down...heh i said strap...) and i was just nervous anyway because if they find something or i have to go back for re-testing i'm fucked becuase i need to leave for mexico in three weeks.

so, i put them on...the gowwwwnnnnnn over my nipple. and i'm moving around and thinking "this is really stupid because the gown is moving around and now the nipple marker is moving around...."

YES! i THOUGHT THAT! THOUGHT IT! did a little light go on? nope! and i walked right out of the dressing room into the x-ray room and i don't know how the woman didn't see them but i didn't think anything of it until she had me sit and wait for it to develop in case it didn't turn out and i'm sitting there thinking, "see, these things are totally NOT on my nip....HEY!"

oh man i got so red! i just started sweating and giggling uncontrollably! and so i listened to the woman banging around in the developing room and looked down the hall quickly and put those fuckers ON my actual nipples.

the woman never said anything when she came back in to do the lateral shot.

i can't stop giggling now. i'm so stupid.

hate on faith lesson 1

i'm going to give you a scenario. imagine that i'm talking to you and i'm telling you the events in the scenario. i will then give you options as to what your reply potentially could be then we will discuss the correct answers.

ready?
what? no you don't need a pen, just pay attention, sheesh...

background: i had tons of problems last year with my project. some were my fault. others i had no control over. many were mis-handled by my major prof. and he furthered muddied the waters with regard to my reputation with others in order to dodge blame for his own misconduct. now i'm dealing with one of the others and there is still some apparent residual bad feelings from them and they are passive aggressively taking it out on me. in email. i receive an email saying essential equipment that i absolutely positively need for my research which is supposed to be made available to any who is qualified to use it and requests it should get will not be available for me to use. i can't emphasize enough that no part of my reseach can take place without this equipment.

scenario: you're my friend and i walk into your office because i'm very upset about this email. i even have a little hitch in my voice and the tears are threatening to fall. i tell you about the email. you respond:

a) that FUCKER!
b) that ASSWIPE!
c) what aPRICK!
d) well, i think the best thing to do in this scenario is to calm down and make a trip out to the lab to talk to them in person because it's easier for people to be mean over email and if you just suck it up and take responsibility for what happened and reassure him that you would get the equipment back in a timely manner and blahblahblah blahdyblah blah blahdyblahdyfucking blahblah blah alsdk;jfewoiru tql;rkjal
e) that's so FUCKing unfair!
f) let's go have a beer

ok, if you answered a, b, c, e, or f you are a true friend and a competent practitioner of "hate on faith" meaning i need to vent and you may not even know this person i'm hating but because you're my friend and they are making my life hard that in the exact moment of the vent, YOU hate them too. and that means you rock! and i would so totally return the favor.

if you answered d, i fucking hate you because i don't need advice! i don't need to be told how to behave and how to get things done! i'm VENTING! i'm not going to reply to his email saying "hey, thanks for the help. oh wait you're NOT helping PRICK!" i may want to but for reals people, i'm not GOING TO. all i want/need is to get my frustrations off my chest to a friend and then move on. but no, sometimes someone you thought was a good friend turns out to apparently think you're a social fucking retard and need to be told how to handle the situation.

ack!

so read this. study this. practice this. and get back to me when you can hate properly.

i. hate. you.

all of you! i hate you!

YOU! with all your red tape and loopholes and arbitrary rule changes! i so hate you!

and YOU TOO! different agency but with all the red tape! i hate you too!

YOU! in your gigantic SUV on my ass when i'm going the speed limit and i'm safely behind ONE MILLLLLLION CARS that i cannot go through so i follow safely at a safe distance because when you see ONE MILLLLION BRAKE LIGHTS LIGHT UP ALL AT ONCE on a wet highway i would like to know i'm not going to go careening into them and stop safely only to be fucking rear-ended by your massive fucking vehicle. i hate you more!

YOU! yeah you the guy all alone in a ginormour hummer in the fucking CARPOOL LANE! i hate you the MOST!