but things are lookin' up

gran's going over to take care of my "mother" for four days (part of the stress i'm sure).

which is something i'm pissed about as well. see, my "mother" has MS and is basicly a shut in. now considering the things my mother did to us and allowed my stepfather to do to us, i'd like to think she made her bed now she can lie in it. and of course, i'm the ungrateful daughter who "abandoned her disabled mother." at least that's the story she's put out there. she forgets to mention that she was a drunk and she let her second husband to unspeakable things to her little girls for years...

so now she's on her third husband, and while he wasn't physically abusive he was emotionally and mentally abusive. he had two sons of his own when we moved in and it was very clear we were not as good as his sons and again my spineless mother allowed him to treat us shabbily. this of course wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't, you know, a CHRISTIAN. so long story short, my youngest sister went to live with gran, and "mother" received social security for her because she was disabled and couldn't work so SS paid for my sister's upbrining. but, since steph was living with gran, "mother" kept that money and gran paid for sister's upbringing...

and now "mother" is still on disability and getting social security that's supposed to pay for her care. stepfather no. 2 has had all my "mother's" assets put in his name, and he works for a living and has a nice little driver's ed business on the side, so the guy's not poor at all. so even if she wasn't getting state and federal assistance he could totally afford to have a nurse come in and take care of her. but she is getting that $$ and he still isn't getting someone to take care of her. so he's leaving for four days to go be with his "golden" son and now gran gets to go over and take care of my "mother."

nice, huh?

family drama

and they're not even lesbians!

hee

oh i'm not going to get into the details here exactly because it's all just so infuriating. and so much backstory, YEARS of backstory. but the jist of it is that gran is a "hold it all in until you can't no more and then BLOW UP! and say the nastiest shit and drag up the last six months of random things you didn't even know pissed her off"

*ahem*

so i've told her in the past, if you think i'm talking down to you, then tell me when it's happening. because, i don't mean to do it, and i'm obvioulsy not aware of it. and she yells "ok i'm telling you now" and proceeds to tell me how fucked up i am and i'm not perfect like i think i am (didn't think that, but there was no sense in arguing) on and on and on...

and i'm thinking, ok NOT what i meant, i meant for you to tell me in the instant or soon after if you need to calm down first. and then i can think ok she thought i was talking down to her or being snide when i didn't mean to be and that way i can watch myself and try not to be that way and gran doesn't build up all this frustration.

i also know that not all her frustration has to do with me. and you have to be a genius to figure that out. but i get so frustrated sometimes when she takes it all out on me. i mean my "mother" runs her physically and emotionally ragged. and my "mother" is a rotten human being that doesn't care about anybody but herself. but she dumps all her problems that she's the one responsible for on my gran and gran gets all worked up on her behalf. it probably wouldn't be so bad if it were once a week or so, but it's three to four times a fucking day she calls here and gets gran all worked up. and then steph will call 2-3 times a day and bitch about her life and gets gran all worked up.

then i make one little slip-up and i'm being screamed at in the car about what a horrible fucking person i am.

gggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr