communication is always key

so gran is going to my uncle's house for thanksgiving and they're picking her up tomorrow. so i figured i would ask her if she wanted to go to dinner since she's leaving. i called her from my work to ask if she wanted to go out to dinner.

she said "ok"

i said, "well if you dont wan..."

"oh, i'll go..."

"where do you want to go?"

"oh, i don't care, whereever you want"

"do you want chinese?"

"well..."

"or i was thinking we could go to the mexican restaurant, but i know we just we..."

"oh, yeah! i could go there...."

and i forget what she said after this because i was so blown away she ACTUALLY
MADE
A
DECISION

this was a monumental event. so i said, "yeah! great! we'll go there. i'll pick you up when i come home"

so my work day goes by...s....l..o..w..l..y..........

and then i go get gran
i drive her to the restaurant
we're pulling into the restaurant parking lot and we're in gran's car and the parking lot is very full. normally when you pull in you go right to park but it was so full you had to go to the left and you could see all these cars. well, my car is much smaller than gran's so i underestimate the sizes i can get in to (and considering all the freaking SUV's that are there i figure her chevy malibu can fit anywhere) so i start to pull in a spot that we would normally fit into but there are SUV's on each side (AND i'd be willing to bet that no more than TWO people will get into either of those cars gaaaaaawwwwwwwwwddddddaaammmmmmmmmmit....ahem) so i realize i can't get in. so i start to back out and gran says "YOU CAN'T FIT IN THERE!" and i say "i knowwwww, can't you see i'm backing out?" and then i go to another spot and as i'm going in gran says "see? you're talking down to me again. you talk down to me like i'm stupid. you're doing it just like you did before and since we talked about it!"

and i don't say anything right away because i think, things are well, and we actually had a decent talk the last time it happened, and i thought we worked out some major stuff and i listened to how she felt and i tried to curb my behavior in a way to not make her feel i was talking down to her. so, i think, we've talked about this and i told her to tell me if i was doing it so i'm actually calm. i'm cool. i dont' want to start a major fight, so i say "i'm sorry, i didn't know that i sounded like i was talking dow...." "WELL YOU WERE"

still calm

"i'm sorry."

so i pull in. gran takes her insulin shot and we go in to the restaurant. we give our name and then she finds a seat in the waiting area. i go in the bathroom and then go to the bar and get a beer. i sit down next to her and then i say, "i'm sorry if i sounded like i was talking down to you..."

"you don't have to apologize.."

"well, let me finish"

"ok"

"i just want to say that i'm sorry if i sounded like was talking down to you, and i just wish that you would let me know more often when it sounds like i'm talking down to you, instead of holding it in and blowing up...."

and i look at her with a calm, loving smile, and she looks at me like it's ok..

"...because, if it seems to you that i'm talking down to you all the time, then it really takes away from the times that i am."