i am the anti-grandma

my grandma is a neat person. not obsessive. she's just this side of obsessive. she likes things clean and put away and put in their place. she's been a housewife her whole life so this is just something she gives priority.

i am the anti-grandma.

case in point: my uncle came and picked up my gran for thanksgiving. she's only been gone 24 hours. i've only been home the last 16 hours (and 9 of those i slept). there is already a sink full of dishes.

i know i drive her crazy. i don't mean to. i, just don't give that stuff priority. don't get me wrong, i like it when things are neat and clean and organized i just can't seem to keep them that way.

one thing i KNOW drives gran crazy is when i'm cooking something and i leave it, forget it, and it burns and cakes to the bottom. and this is a difficult confession to make since i have a stellar reputation amongst friends regarding my cooking skills. but, i think that's mostly due to the fact that most of the time they only see the end product, or if i'm cooking with friends around i'm occupied with them and cooking in the kitchen. but other times, i've been known to put stuff on the stove and attempt to multi-task by going back on the internet, the tv, whatever.

so typically, i'll put water in a pan, put in say brocolli, cauliflower or artichokes and turn them on. tell myself I WON'T FORGET THIS TIME and walk away.

next thing i know, gran is spewing evil hateful things about me while standing over her stove and her burnt pan.

oops

i've been trying really hard lately to not do this and it's a REAL effort to make me stand over a pot that's just going to steam something, but so far it has paid off. until i made wine. i got some free loganberry puree (28 lbs of it to be exact) so i decided to try my hand at wine again. the last stuff was so overwhelmingly alcoholic because i left out a crucial step (but that's another post) that i really wanted to try again.

so i was cooking the puree with water and sugar and i was THERE the whole time standing there stirring and stirring and NOT putting it on high. but the only pots that would hold that much liquid was gran's aluminum pot and my big pot (non-stick) and even though i was stirring the whole time a nice, thick, black layer of carbon formed on the bottom of both of them. but the non-stick pot came clean lickety-clit, er, split, lickety-split. ahem.

but the aluminum pot did not.

oops

and i tried and tried and tried and tried to clean it. and gran tried and tried to clean it. and i felt bad but she didn't throw a fit and i know it was mostly because i stood there watching and stirring. but i still felt bad.

so then when my uncles show up to do some remodeling and landscaping (a surprise to gran) i still had a ton of berries in the freezer so i offered to make a pie. well, i made some shortcuts (not letting the berries defrost) so the pie after cooking and even with a good amount of cornstarch didn't thicken up. and by the time i got the pie done they had gone to bed (8 pm). so i left it, knowing i had to get up early the next day to do some work before going to work i figured i would scoop the pie filling out of the pie and simmer it in a saucepan to thicken it up while i'm working.

the smarter ones in the crowd reading this may see where this is going....

so i'm working at my computer working working working and then all of a sudden i think SHIT!

i run into the kitchen and sure enough the berries, sugar and cornstarch have solidified into a nice thick 3 cm layer of black carbon on the bottom of the pan.

SHIT
SHIT
SHIT

so i wash the pan as well as i can (i can't) and i know gran is going to get up and see this shit because i have to go to work and then all of a sudden i get the most brilliant idea ever thought up by a 5 year old.

i hide the pan.

i get as much carbon out of the bottom as possible and then i shove that dirty thing under my bed, go to work and pray that gran doesn't find it.

fast forward one week after the uncles (and my aunt) have left after completing 90% of their landscaping work.

one day gran is on the floor digging through her pan cupboard and i walk in. she says "have you seen my medium sized pan? the one that fits this lid?"

me: "no"

gran: "i can't remember when i saw it last but i know it was here before they showed up to work"

(note to self: gran's still got all her faculties...lol)

me: "i don't know" (trying to conceal sweat, "casually" begin to make coffee)

fast forward one week
my uncle comes to pick up gran to take her to his house for thanksgiving. here is my big chance. i will clean the pot and surreptitiously place the clean pot back into the cupboard and once again feign ignorance when she sees it in the cupboard and eventually questions its appearance.

but, sure to my nature, i place a solution i'm convinced will remove the carbon (vinegar and baking soda) over medium heat to work the rest of it off.

aaaaaaaaaaand, i go to work on my computer

and i'm working
working
working
and then my computer fan keeps going off (which i won't go into detail here but maybe one day in another post...but if i HAD told that story in this post you would understand the following...) and i smell something burning (hint from other story not told: i spilled coffee with cream and sugar in my keyboard...nuff said) and i spray canned, cool air into the fan thinking that would help and keep working.

then all of a sudden i get a big whiff and i think: SHIT!

and i run into the kitchen and lo and behold i had cooked the vinegar and the baking soda down to a nice thick black coating on the pan. and bonus the baking soda came out of solution and formed these really cool stalagmites (or tites?) in the pan.

SHIT
SHIT
SHIT

so not only did i NOT clean the pan that i almost ruined i added more crap to it with my cleaning effort.

now i think the moral of this story is to let people know they should only let me cook (supervised) they should definitely never let me clean

more disturbing revelations

more yahoo fun! apparently you can get to my blog by searching "if i eat fish my pee smells like it"

niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice

what's more awesome is MY site is the first link. at least i'm famous for something


http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=If%20I%20eat%20fish%20my%20pee%20smells%20like%20it&fr=FP-tab-web-t&toggle=1

communication is always key

so gran is going to my uncle's house for thanksgiving and they're picking her up tomorrow. so i figured i would ask her if she wanted to go to dinner since she's leaving. i called her from my work to ask if she wanted to go out to dinner.

she said "ok"

i said, "well if you dont wan..."

"oh, i'll go..."

"where do you want to go?"

"oh, i don't care, whereever you want"

"do you want chinese?"

"well..."

"or i was thinking we could go to the mexican restaurant, but i know we just we..."

"oh, yeah! i could go there...."

and i forget what she said after this because i was so blown away she ACTUALLY
MADE
A
DECISION

this was a monumental event. so i said, "yeah! great! we'll go there. i'll pick you up when i come home"

so my work day goes by...s....l..o..w..l..y..........

and then i go get gran
i drive her to the restaurant
we're pulling into the restaurant parking lot and we're in gran's car and the parking lot is very full. normally when you pull in you go right to park but it was so full you had to go to the left and you could see all these cars. well, my car is much smaller than gran's so i underestimate the sizes i can get in to (and considering all the freaking SUV's that are there i figure her chevy malibu can fit anywhere) so i start to pull in a spot that we would normally fit into but there are SUV's on each side (AND i'd be willing to bet that no more than TWO people will get into either of those cars gaaaaaawwwwwwwwwddddddaaammmmmmmmmmit....ahem) so i realize i can't get in. so i start to back out and gran says "YOU CAN'T FIT IN THERE!" and i say "i knowwwww, can't you see i'm backing out?" and then i go to another spot and as i'm going in gran says "see? you're talking down to me again. you talk down to me like i'm stupid. you're doing it just like you did before and since we talked about it!"

and i don't say anything right away because i think, things are well, and we actually had a decent talk the last time it happened, and i thought we worked out some major stuff and i listened to how she felt and i tried to curb my behavior in a way to not make her feel i was talking down to her. so, i think, we've talked about this and i told her to tell me if i was doing it so i'm actually calm. i'm cool. i dont' want to start a major fight, so i say "i'm sorry, i didn't know that i sounded like i was talking dow...." "WELL YOU WERE"

still calm

"i'm sorry."

so i pull in. gran takes her insulin shot and we go in to the restaurant. we give our name and then she finds a seat in the waiting area. i go in the bathroom and then go to the bar and get a beer. i sit down next to her and then i say, "i'm sorry if i sounded like i was talking down to you..."

"you don't have to apologize.."

"well, let me finish"

"ok"

"i just want to say that i'm sorry if i sounded like was talking down to you, and i just wish that you would let me know more often when it sounds like i'm talking down to you, instead of holding it in and blowing up...."

and i look at her with a calm, loving smile, and she looks at me like it's ok..

"...because, if it seems to you that i'm talking down to you all the time, then it really takes away from the times that i am."

things are looking up

today was a nice boost to my (very tiny according to "t") ego.

i gave my talk about my research, what i'm currently hoping to do with my phd and also my book. gave it in a lovely powerpoint presentation and people gave feedback and stuff and asked questions and it was cool.

but if that wasn't enough, the professor (who is a well-known, WELL-respected fish expert) said, "you know, looking at your pictures and hearing about your research again gives me an idea. could you give a talk in my class about your art, and your book and your project? we're getting to the lecture on reef fishes and i think it would be great for you to do it"

and i stand there trying not to blush and trying not to sweat anymore in my blue (DAMMIT I WORE BLUE NOT BLACK! I BROKE MY OWN RULE) shirt and said, oh yeah, i still have some of the slides from when i talked in the lab...

and he says "oh no not the lab, i want you to lecture for the entire class."

*jaw drop*

"um, yeah, sure. i...i..."

"great, 8 am on wednesday. it would be good if you start with some of your own drawings and explain how you illustrate since i like to start all my lectures looking at fish art through history. excellent. see you wednesday morning...good job"

*jaw still on floor*

and i walked away floating. what a change. what a completely different experience with my new professors. makes me wish i had switched advisors sooner, but i try not to dwell on that since it would bring me down again. but seriously, to have a professor say "great job! wonderful project! come lecture in my class" as opposed to, say, your professor always treating your ideas and project with condescension and then trying to flunk you out based upon hearsay.

and although giving the lecture will interrupt my planned "stay-home-sleep-lots-between-watching-movies" vacation i was going to have this week, i'm happy. and proud.

it's such a great feeling of renewed enthusiasm for my work and real possibility for my future that i hadn't felt in a looooooooooooong time.

reminiscing

Living in a “hidden” relationship is much harder than it seems. At first, i remember i was ok with it. in fact, it was exciting. Seeing her across the room, talking to other people and then she would glance at me and i could see in her face this private smile, a small indication that i would be the one going home with her, the one that would make love to her, to hold her. The one she loved.

But for many reasons, we couldn’t be open, but unfortunately, us living together left us open for innuendo and gossip. To me that was worse, but under no circumstances was she going to come clean about us. when it wasn’t exciting it was painful. Extremely painful.

I remember there was one incident that hammered this home to me, and i think it affected the rest of the time we were together.

While i would work at home or at the museum she would work in the office on the same campus. she still worked at the job she had when we met and i had graduated with my bachelors and wanted to continue working in mexico, as well as be with her. Once a month, part of her job would be to go out on the survey boat with the director and other students and do bird surveys of the islands. At one island the women got off the boat and were going to climb up this cliff to see if there were any nests on the flat plateau part. The island has always been difficult to land at and they were never able to see the top portion from the boat. So they tried to climb it.

The “easiest” place to ascend seemed to be the near vertical face so they started to climb up it and the boat took off to survey another island. One woman was up higher than my girlfriend when she encountered loose rocks, and her footing went out from under her and rocks started to pummel down on my girlfriend. The woman above tried to maintain her grip as long as possible but the rocks kept giving away and she finally started to fall. Instinctively she reached out for my girlfriend and grabbed her and started to pull her off too. my girlfriend lost her grip on the other woman and the other woman fell 10 meters to the rocks below. she laid there awhile and there was no way for my girlfriend or the other girl to get down quickly and they almost reached her when the woman started to move.

She was cut horribly but, surprisingly, no broken bones. The managed to scream enough to get the boat to come back (they had no radios) and they took the other woman to the hospital. When my girlfriend came home there was another woman there with me who’s son would play with my girlfriend’s kids. She walked in the door and right away i could tell something was wrong, and she started to tell us what happened. She was clearly upset and i could tell that if the other woman hadn’t been at the house she would have run to me to hold her. I could see the look on her face when she stopped herself.

But as she’s telling the story, i’m horrified how hurt she could have been. The other woman was my friend too, and i couldn’t believe that happened to her and i was so happy she was going to be ok, but, obviously i was concerned about my girlfriend more.

And later, when everyone was gone and the kids were in bed i held her as she cried and cried and cried. She was so scared. And it was hard to see her cry because she was so tough. I had known her for two years before she ever shed a tear for her husband who had passed away right before i met her. She would never allow herself to grieve because she had to be strong for her kids. So this was not like her to cry. This really shook her up. and it shook me up too, the thought that i could have lost her like that. and it also shook me up too because i started thinking about how unfair it was that her and i were in a committed relationship, we were in love with each other and yet because of how our relationship would be viewed by others i was not even allowed the simple act of comforting her when she needed me. and what if something were to have happened to her? What if she would have fallen and been injured? Noone would think to call me. i couldn’t be with her, not like her couple, i could probably be in the waiting room with everyone else, but i couldn’t be a part of taking care of her.

It scared me. it scared us both, but it didn’t scare her enough that she would change how we treated the relationship in public. I think it became the wedge that eventually drove us apart.

meh

[begin rant]i'm so over FG.

it's a bunch of ass-kissing incestuous hypocritical buttmonkeys. i can't even go in there and read any posts without wanting to vomit. and it's sad becuase considering the political clime and how liberals, gays and democrats should be banding together i want nothing more than to punch those broads in their faces.

aaaaaaaauuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhh

it kills me when someone asks for an opinion and they get it and it may disagree with theirs then someone else comes in and says "oh you're so holier than thou" because the person before them has strong beliefs about something. it's outrageous. the person wasn't being holier than thou, they were giving their OPINION. and then they have threads about "the art of discussion" and how each person who has at one time or another been a COMPLETE asshole comes in and says "oh i would never talk down to someone or call them names blahblahblahdyfuckingblah" i just want to shout "shut your mouth (keyboard) you big fat revisionist historian!!"

especially those folks who were couples (very publicly) and they behave in a certain immature fashion and then when the relationship ends (VERY quietly) they get pissed when someone else engages in the same behavior they themselves did.

and i can't stand it, STAND IT, when someone's all bitching and moaning about how their love left them *sniff sniff* and they were the love of their life and how can they go on and then two weeks later they're SO IN LOVE!

ACK!

ok this probably makes no sense to anyone but i just had to vent [/end rant]

terror alert level

i just noticed that the terror alert level has gone from a split orange and yellow to just plain yellow. i'm a little disturbed because i don't know how long ago it was changed...meaning i have been on split orange and yellow alert when i could have relaxed a little and been just plain yellow. *sigh*

horoscope

TAURUS

Today is a 7 0 A person with high ideals is good to know, if somewhat amusing. You provide the practical touch he or she is so sadly lacking.

disturbing revelations

some people who have found my blog used the following searches:

"she smells like fish"

"how come your dick smells like fish"

"vagina smells like fish"

"monkey humping purchase" (TOTALLY NOT LYING!)

"smells like grouper"

"pad thai"

DECOMPRESSON

well, i gave my talk.

and holy crap i'm glad i've maintained a philosophy of "black shirts only for talks" because i'm pretty sure that was a FULL bucket of sweat that dripped down my back and filled my jeans. JEEEBUS!

and it went better than it should have. but i also forgot to say stuff that i was bummed i didn't keep in because i was only alloted 15 minutes and when i practiced my talk it always came out to 25 minutes so i left out some interesting side notes.

but anywayyyyyyyyyyyy

it was a good conference and i ran into some people that used to be a large part of my life and i'm not even exactly sure what happened (i have an idea...and i'll try to write about it) or at least i don't know their side of it. i just know that there was a huge event that they weren't involved in and any contact with them after said event stopped. my birthday cards, christmas cards and emails all went unanswered, so assumed that they stopped talking to me because of that event. which is sad. and

could i be any more cryptic?

i'm just not writing it out completely here and now because i have lost some trust in blogger, having typed up long posts and then watched them evaporate into the blog-o-sphere.

not fun.

i need a break. i haven't had a break for a long time. it's one of those dilemmas where you NEED a break, but you can't afford a break. and then even if you could take the time off you can't afford to go anywhere. it's kinda frustrating. although, my uncles are coming to pick up gran on sunday for thanksgiving and she will be gone an entire week i'm starting to get ideas about how to spend that break and i'm looking forward to it...

things i will need for my "break:"
- 10 movies i've been dying to see
- beer
- veggies and dip
- my watercoloring stuff

sounds perfect to me. while gran is gone i am not looking at one scientific thing-y, i'm not going to look at my data, i'm not going to read literature. i'm going to paint, watch movies and sleep. for a week. a whole week. just me.

i can hardly wait

last sunday before talk

auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

seriously