Karma happens

Almost

I torture my grandma. Now don’t freak out, it’s not like physical torture, she’s not hooked up to a rack or anything like that. i just mess with her relentlessly. And the sad thing is i’m able to do the same assy thing to her over and over again.

Which makes her partly to blame… right?

Well, i think so. hee

Anyway, usually the torture involves some from of public embarrassment, typically in the grocery store. For example, we’ll go to the store and depending upon how much shopping either one of us has we’ll either share a cart or, if we have lots of shopping, we’ll get separate cart.

When we share a cart, my favorite thing to do is to not stay with her and then when she finally finds me she has a huge armload of stuff and puts it in my cart. I then proceed to bitch her out “hey old lady! Getcher own cart! What the hell?” to which she will slap me after everyone looks at us weird and says “KNOCK IT OFF!”

Hee


When we have separate carts i always like to smash into her cart in an aisle and yell “hey old lady! Watch where the hell you’re going!” same reaction from her.

Guess you have to be there.

And you might be thinking, oh man how can she be so mean to her grandma. And the simple answer is: IT’S FUNNY! and the capper is, she knows i do it but whenever i say “hey gran i’m going to the store, do you need anything?” she acts like some excited puppy and says “oh, can i go with you?”

Of couuuuuuursssssse! Hee

And don’t even get me started on how i embarrass her in the produce section. But it’s super awesome.

So anyway, this has been our “ritual” for years now and she would always smack my arm and then say “you know?, that’s elder abuse.”

Whatever lady.

So just last week we went to Long’s to pick up her prescriptions and for me to, um, pick up, *ahem* MONISTAT 3.

So i cruise the aisles and i’m looking then i see it and there’s a sign that says it’s on sale and there are three varieties to pick from so i grab one and head to the line. Because it’s bad having a yeast infection but then you really get gouged on the medicine so i thought BONUS that it was on sale. So i’m in line and it’s a huge line cuz there’s only one checker so i’m standing there and then another checker taps my shoulder and says, i can help you over here so i follow her. And four other people follow me. so she rings up my SINGLE purchase and the price is way different than on the shelf and before i even realize it i’m saying “the sign says it’s $13.99…”

OH
MY
GOD WHAT’SWRONGWITHME???!!!

So she says oh and immediately on the loudspeaker “JOSH, CAN I GET A PRICE CHECK ON MONISTAT 3 WITH THE BONUS ANTI-ITCH CRÈME…?”

And then she turns back around tapping the product on the counter just looking at me blankly, waiting and i’m standing there thinking omg just couldn’t pay full price could ya? Ass! And i can FEEEEEEL the annoying glares from the people behind me who thought they had escaped long line hell and then got stuck behind some broad who wouldn’t pay full price for her itchy yeasty vagina medicine.

So then josh comes running up with the sign and another box of monistat and says the date on this offer expired but go ahead and give her this price since we left the sign up.

Ack

So i meet up with gran and head out to the car and i’m laughing as i say to her “boy i bet you enjoyed that” and she says “what?” and i said that they announced a price check over the loudspeaker for monistat…” and she just started busted up laughing and she said “omg really?” MORE laughter.

i said “YES! You didn’t hear that?”

and she’s still laughing and says “oh no! i missed it!”

“i figured you set it up as revenge for all the times i harass you at the grocery store”

“I WISH!” pause “go back in and do it again!”