i hate my family
i'm sitting here and i should be working. i have alot of emails to do, phone calls to make, applications to fill out and as i'm doing so i hear the phone ring and i hear my grandma talking to someone. since she has referred to my aunt and my sister in the third person it can't be them so it can only be one other person:
my "mother"
where do i begin. first i hate her. i'll start there. and i feel very valid in my hate for a MULTITUDE of reasons.
but what sickens me most right now is that they are talking about how disgusted they are over this story in the paper about this guy who was molesting his daughter.
they are disgusted
DISGUSTED
that's right. the same woman who allowed our stepfather to sexually molest my other sister and i. to physically abuse my sister and i. to verbally asault us on a daily basis is DISGUSTED with this story.
and my grandmother, who we have TOLD this to has a hard time understanding why we're "still so angry about it."
yet, they're disgusted over this man who molested his daughter. and he was caught because he posted naked pics of her on the internet.
i hope one day that my "mother" will finally feel the pain she caused us. i don't think that's wrong to feel that way. i know that people talk of forgiveness. i accept that those people may be better human beings than i am. i also know that my "mother" has NEVER ASKED for forgiveness. she denies the whole thing. exactly HOW do you forgive that? i won't. and what i don't understand about other people is this constant, "well, you should just forgive her." or "who would reject their mother?" kinda crap.
what the hell is that? don't people think that i want nothing more than a MOTHER????? someone who is supposed to protect and love me more than ANYONE IN THE WORLD? do people really think that removing your mother from your life and rejecting any possibility of receiving an "inheritance" (i've been "written out of the will" - there's not alot, it's just a matter of principle that his sons got treated like royalty and we were treated like scum. that's completely lost on her...but i digress) didn't FUCKING KILL ME?? do you think i would reject her over something TRIVIAL?
NO!
I REJECT HER BECAUSE SHE KNEW THAT HE WAS TOUCHING US. SHE KNEW THAT HE WAS HURTING US. WE TOLD HER. and she told us "i don't want to make waves." and year after year after year of growing up afraid in my own house. with nightmares every night.
she. did. nothing.
and i dream sometimes of stabbing her in the chest and reaching in and pulling her heart out (just like in the movies FBI STALKING MY BLOG) but i know that i would be reaching into an empty cavity.
but right now, she's DISGUSTED with this man who molested his daughter
my "mother"
where do i begin. first i hate her. i'll start there. and i feel very valid in my hate for a MULTITUDE of reasons.
but what sickens me most right now is that they are talking about how disgusted they are over this story in the paper about this guy who was molesting his daughter.
they are disgusted
DISGUSTED
that's right. the same woman who allowed our stepfather to sexually molest my other sister and i. to physically abuse my sister and i. to verbally asault us on a daily basis is DISGUSTED with this story.
and my grandmother, who we have TOLD this to has a hard time understanding why we're "still so angry about it."
yet, they're disgusted over this man who molested his daughter. and he was caught because he posted naked pics of her on the internet.
i hope one day that my "mother" will finally feel the pain she caused us. i don't think that's wrong to feel that way. i know that people talk of forgiveness. i accept that those people may be better human beings than i am. i also know that my "mother" has NEVER ASKED for forgiveness. she denies the whole thing. exactly HOW do you forgive that? i won't. and what i don't understand about other people is this constant, "well, you should just forgive her." or "who would reject their mother?" kinda crap.
what the hell is that? don't people think that i want nothing more than a MOTHER????? someone who is supposed to protect and love me more than ANYONE IN THE WORLD? do people really think that removing your mother from your life and rejecting any possibility of receiving an "inheritance" (i've been "written out of the will" - there's not alot, it's just a matter of principle that his sons got treated like royalty and we were treated like scum. that's completely lost on her...but i digress) didn't FUCKING KILL ME?? do you think i would reject her over something TRIVIAL?
NO!
I REJECT HER BECAUSE SHE KNEW THAT HE WAS TOUCHING US. SHE KNEW THAT HE WAS HURTING US. WE TOLD HER. and she told us "i don't want to make waves." and year after year after year of growing up afraid in my own house. with nightmares every night.
she. did. nothing.
and i dream sometimes of stabbing her in the chest and reaching in and pulling her heart out (just like in the movies FBI STALKING MY BLOG) but i know that i would be reaching into an empty cavity.
but right now, she's DISGUSTED with this man who molested his daughter
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