today was supposed to be the day

in two hours i was supposed to take my exam.

i feel really strange about it. part of me is relieved i got some more time and part of me is wondering exactly how productive i've been with that extra time. ACK!

i just thought it would be the coolest thing to take it on friday the 13th! but i guess i had to be realistic and acknowledge that i wasn't ready. but like i said, am i working any harder to get ready? frankly, no.

i obviously needed a break. i obviously needed some time to NOT think about the exam but jeebus i gotta buckle down. and i'm not sleeping any better now. i'm having these crazy weird dreams and i'm so goddamn busy in them i don't feel like i've slept at all.

sigh

and now the diving and boating safety board is taking a harder look at my proposal since i sent them more info and a map

STUPID
STUPID
STUPID

now they want me to hire a captain for some of the more remote areas. fuck that. or write me a check. whatever. i'm already $3000 out of pocket on this project and now they just keep coming back with "oh, wait..."

QUIT finding ways to spend what LITTLE MONEY I HAVE LEFT!

maybe i should get back in bed.