sad sad day

well, the fact that i posted the headline "7 DAYS LEFT" or something like that and it was actually 9 days left, well, i should have known it could only end badly.

i met with one of my professors, who to be fair was very kind about the whole thing, and she quizzed me a bit and then informed me that if her subject was "the only subject i needed to refine then i could take the exam in a week. but if i had more subjects to work on, then i should consider postponing."

*sigh*

so i'm postponing. dammit. i feel like i really let myself down. i KNOW this stuff. i just apparently can't talk about it. which is the point of the exam. to show that you know it well enough you could converse about it and eventually teach a class. i've been working so hard and i've put monkey on restricted akee access in order to focus and it's all been for naught. well, not really, i've only postponed for 2 weeks but rescheduling 5 freaking professors again is a nightmare. ack.

of course this morning i woke up and had started my period (stoopid female parts) i felt a little better about bawling my eyes out off and on all day and crying (just tears not crying) in front of the second prof i met that day.

so i'm here house sitting at my friends' house. their beautiful house with the nature and the big windows and the horses and the dogs and the big new beautiful blue wall they painted recently. god that wall makes me so happy. i had planned this house sitting gig because it would allow me 4-5 days without gran screeching on the phone or blasting maury povich, without the phone ringing incessantly, without without without right before the exam.

just me in this beautiful space with large granite counters to spread my work out on.

well, in this turn of recent events i'm wallowing in my wombanhood drinking coffee with tori amos on repeat. i'm going to get through this day with tori's love.

except for "me and a gun." i'm too fragile to listen to that song right now...