smells like fish

i know how you probably got here. and i'm sorry your vagina smells or your girlfriend's vagina smells...

i'm a marine biologist so i can't help you with your stinky vagina. i can tell you that if you're near a vagina that smells like fish then something is wrong with the vagina.

you're welcome to hang around, just don't sit on anything...k?

Friday, February 13, 2004

food is wasted on little kids

yesterday i came home from working out and i was a bit hungry. i usually don't like to eat breakfast. for some reason i don't get hungry until 10:30 or 11. so i went and worked out and when i got back home it was about time for me to eat before i started shaking.

well, my sister had dropped her youngest, a blonde little boy A, at gran's house so he was there dusting* when i came in. i grabbed a glass of water and there was an open snack size bag of doritos on the counter. gran and i rarely have that kind of stuff around the house so i knew it was something my sister had brought down for A. kids being finicky and all, gran probably opened it up and he didn't want them right then so she put it on the counter.

so, i SNUCK ONE! hee

i popped the chip in my mouth and chewed and thought hmm how long has the bag been sitting open like that? it's kinda stale. but i swallowed it and i then i got in the fridge to get the eggs (mmmmmmmmm peppery cheesy scramble *slurp*).

i put my items down on the counter and went to grab another chip and this one was REALLY stale feeling/tasting. i thought, what the hell? so i turned to gran and said these chips are really stale and she looks up at me and gasps!

"oh no! i was going to tell you not to eat those!"

"why?"

"because A pulled each chip out and licked all the salt off and then put it on the floor..."

this is when the room started to spin and turn black

"so i picked them up and put them on the counter." by this time she's seriously laughing her ass off.

and so then A, of course, in his less than 2 year old mind wants to join in the laughter and he just starts laughing and looking at us for his cue to stop.

well, i'm spitting the chip in the sink and gran is laughing even harder and so A laughs more.

fuckers

* A's dad can be a bit of a close-minded ass. A's older sibling is a GIRL, K, and i mean all cap letters GIRLY GIRL. so, of course, this little boy is going to imitate his sissy, who he adores. and jeebus you redneck a young boy UNDER the age of 2 does not recognize that he is stepping over into faggityland and has now committed his life to wearing flare pants and sucking cock when he plays with sissy and her dolls. so chill the fuck out, YOU'RE the one that's going to give the little boy his complex. sheesh.

so when he's here with "nana" he LOVES to dust! hee. so i always like to point it out to gran. i'll say something like "i'll pay you $50 to put a dress on him and put the duster in his hand when daddy comes to pick him up." hee

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