dumped for sleep
that's right. dumped. thrown to the side. given the old heave-ho.
stoopid sleep. with its tiredness and promise of dreamy landscapes and upside down clocks! you better not be putting any former smoochie people in her dreams, mr. sleepy! and when she hears someone speak, IT BETTER BE IN ENGLISH! DO YOU HEAR ME, IN-GLISSSSHHHHH!
hee.
other news of note: i tried cooking a fish this evening. the operative word being "tried". it was a flat fish. freshly caught. i put olive oil in the pan, waited until it was cursing, spitting out droplets of hot liquid. layed the fish down, stretching it into oblivion. oil splattered. dogs barked and time peeled back minutes until i turned it over and fried the other side.
or, at least i tried to turn it over.
unfortunately, while i was patting one of my dogs, some unknown assailant had made his dastardly way into my kitchen and SUPERGLUED one side of the fish to the pan. my forks were no use against this unmovable force. i tugged. i pulled. i promised jesus my first born. i cursed under my tongue in foreign languages. but that fish was stuck, swimming in concrete.
what is one to do when faced with such terrible odds?
there is only one thing to do against such terrible odds.
"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
now, my mother is the type of person that would make martha stewart blush in shame over sloppy work. but being of her loins, i am immune to her perfection and anything remotely resembling cooking skills.
me: "mummy! somethings wrong with the frying paaaaaaaaaaaaan."
mum: "AW MYYYY GOOOOODDDD! M_____!"
me: " it's not my fault!"
mum: "Did you put flour on both sides?"
me: "flour? noonetoldmeyouweresupposetoputflouronit!"
mum: " i told you"
me: "noyoudidnt.whenyoulieitmakesbabyjesuscry!"
mum: "don't be silly. you're suppose to put the pan on medium heat."
me: "oh.wellithoughtifyouputitonhighitwillcookfaaaaaaaaster."
mum: "don't be silly."
it's not that i don't know how to cook. it's just that i choose not to be like everyone else.
needless to say, my fish was charcoaled on one side and still alive on the other.
thankgod that when jesus was handing out fish to the starving he also gave a side serving of bread.
someone, please pass me the vegemite.
stoopid sleep. with its tiredness and promise of dreamy landscapes and upside down clocks! you better not be putting any former smoochie people in her dreams, mr. sleepy! and when she hears someone speak, IT BETTER BE IN ENGLISH! DO YOU HEAR ME, IN-GLISSSSHHHHH!
hee.
other news of note: i tried cooking a fish this evening. the operative word being "tried". it was a flat fish. freshly caught. i put olive oil in the pan, waited until it was cursing, spitting out droplets of hot liquid. layed the fish down, stretching it into oblivion. oil splattered. dogs barked and time peeled back minutes until i turned it over and fried the other side.
or, at least i tried to turn it over.
unfortunately, while i was patting one of my dogs, some unknown assailant had made his dastardly way into my kitchen and SUPERGLUED one side of the fish to the pan. my forks were no use against this unmovable force. i tugged. i pulled. i promised jesus my first born. i cursed under my tongue in foreign languages. but that fish was stuck, swimming in concrete.
what is one to do when faced with such terrible odds?
there is only one thing to do against such terrible odds.
"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
now, my mother is the type of person that would make martha stewart blush in shame over sloppy work. but being of her loins, i am immune to her perfection and anything remotely resembling cooking skills.
me: "mummy! somethings wrong with the frying paaaaaaaaaaaaan."
mum: "AW MYYYY GOOOOODDDD! M_____!"
me: " it's not my fault!"
mum: "Did you put flour on both sides?"
me: "flour? noonetoldmeyouweresupposetoputflouronit!"
mum: " i told you"
me: "noyoudidnt.whenyoulieitmakesbabyjesuscry!"
mum: "don't be silly. you're suppose to put the pan on medium heat."
me: "oh.wellithoughtifyouputitonhighitwillcookfaaaaaaaaster."
mum: "don't be silly."
it's not that i don't know how to cook. it's just that i choose not to be like everyone else.
needless to say, my fish was charcoaled on one side and still alive on the other.
thankgod that when jesus was handing out fish to the starving he also gave a side serving of bread.
someone, please pass me the vegemite.
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