ok so i'm chillin' in my house-sittin' gig.

i'm the whitest person i know...lol

anyway, for reals now peoples...i have never had any hopesdreamsdesires to be a homeowner. i've always felt misplaced and i think that the type of work i do affords me the luxury of being in lots of different places with only one tie to a permanent address...gran's house (my "mother's" mother). on the other hand though, being a misplaced person has its downside because, well, you never feel like you have "a home."

there are about three times i felt like i had a "home." with my grandma (the one on my father's side) when i was little. she was where i was safe and loved and fed. *sigh* i was very close to her and miss her greatly. then at my ex-girlfriend's house. that was my first relationship EVER and her, and that relationship and how she made me feel i had a home was what made it all the more devastating when the relationship ended. my other gran has always been a part of my life. if they hadn't moved near us when i was 10 i honestly don't think i would have survived. my grandfather was the only real male role model i ever had and i adored him. and he was funny as hell. heh. so now when i can't afford to live anywhere because i'm a broke student trying to get my education and save the fishies of the world i stay with her.

and we fight and get pissed at each other and sometimes i can't stand it because you're not supposed to fight with your gran. and it stresses me, because when people yell...i cry.

BUT I'M TOUGH SO SHUDDUP!!!!!!!

anyway, i love to house sit here. it's in the country near my house so it's semi-secluded. there are horses, two dogs that are allowed in the house, and a cat. they compost, usually they have a garden, they "green," and they have a new kickass imac with a dedicated phone line. now i'm not one for material things but i like it here. i like the quiet. i like the solitude, i like the horses and dogs and cat and i like that it's custom built so it's not a cookie cutter house. it's interesting. and not at all designed for kids. does that sound terrible? maybe. i don't care. it has a nice space and very adult things and i don't mean adult in the sense of "adult" like adult books but it has hardwood floors and a marble counter and gas stove and a guest room and only TWO chairs in the livingroom. no couch, no coffee table, no dining table. a marble counter with stools and it's clean and organized and not filled with toys and noise and "shut up the baby's sleeping."

i don't know where i was going with this, but there it is. i just typed it and there it is...