there are too goddamn many blogs!

whenever i log in there's this list of just published blogs and so i check out those with interesting names. and some of them have links to other blogs and those blogs have links to other blogs. it's crazy really. and there's probably some interesting stuff out there but who has the time? really i mean it's hard enough to keep up on writing my own blog let alone cruz thru and read other people's blogs...

and what's with the 5 point pale blue type on the navy blue background? i can't read that shit. why write it if noone can read it? i mean i guess you could say oh people keep diaries or journals and noone (they hope reads them) but hello people! you're on the WEB!! THE WORLD WIDE INTERNET!!! slightly more public...

i feel so tired now and i have soo much work to do. it's 2 pm. i'm thinking i'll take a nap? and get up and work? yeah i think so

editor's note

it has been pointed out to me by my single reader that it is my own fault that i was woken up at 3 a.m. with a phone call. and i guess it is. this ONE time it is truly my own fault that i received said phone call, since i said, "you can call me later if you want." well, i don't know what i was thinking because frankly she calls me plenty unprompted so there really was no need for me to actually invite the 3 am call. so i could see how on her end it would sound like i would actually talk to her when she called as opposed to sleeping wonderfully to the sound of her soft voice

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek

god i have so much work to do. and i feel real bad but i have to buy some traps. the mice are getting into my bookshelves and onto my desk where my computer is. not only is it as gross as hell but it's gaaaaaaaaawwwwwdamn unsanitary. blech

i don't even know what today's date is.

i know it's monday and it's august. that's it.

i'm so tired. i haven't been sleeping well. i know i told her she could call me later on, i never guaranteed i would be a fantastic conversationalist at that hour! lol SMOOCHie to her. she knows i love her.

i'm going to run some errands with gran. then i'm coming back to eat dinner. then i'm CLEANING up the office and then laying out traps. i've tried to find humane ones. my god what a mistake the glue traps were. i swear to god i thought they would be better because right on the box it says "for humane release pour oil on trap and push off with a pencil." well they forgot to mention that if you don't catch them the second they touch the trap they will struggle and pull and fight and get more stuck in the trap and struggle and pull and fight and eventually are ripping themselves to pieces trying to escape. it's horrible. certainly worse than just having your neck snapped. not that i can kill anything and the thought of buying these traps is killing me but there are too many and once you start fucking with my books, my precious books and my computer, well, you've crossed the line.

i've looked up humane traps on the web but you have to wait for them to be mailed....what to do...

so, i went to the dentist yesterday after years of not going. dentists require payment and i being a lowly "mature" undergraduate paying my own couldn't afford insurance after i quit my job. so now i have graduate student insurance, which i think is one step above medicare, barely...anyway, they wanted to fix an old filling and then give me the requisite scraping... *shudder*

well, frankly the filling took less time than the scraping. and dammit i'd have to say that my teeth are in pretty good shape considering how few and far between my dentist visits are. but now my filling is still sore. i can bite down comfortably...without food in my mouth. but stick a piece of food in there and damn if it doesn't feel like it's going to freakin' split in two.

this better go away soon...

so i'm cruising some of the other blogs on this site and i'm wondering about these other people and how much time they have...lol. cuz they're all custom and shit and with some really long entries and maintained and geez. must be nice.

i am glad though that i had the extra phone line installed. ask me again when i get the bill though...lol

ok so the most noticeable thing about consciously not drinking alcohol is that I'M HUNGRY!!! :(

gotohappyplacegotohappyplacegotohappyplace....

is it going to work this time?

i've written and attempted to post/publish TWO freaking ponderings and it didn't work. and i'm having a frequent svchost.exe problem. downloading patch for it from microsoft. it better work. i hate pc's! anything i wanna change is a major pain in the ass. i can customize and play and feel confident with my mac. not this damn pc

is it wrong to pee in their pool?

yes?

ok

ass over the side it is then

so now i'm going out to the pool (9' diameter by 3' deep) and i'm going to swim...




NAKED!!!!

heh

that's right!

ok so i'm chillin' in my house-sittin' gig.

i'm the whitest person i know...lol

anyway, for reals now peoples...i have never had any hopesdreamsdesires to be a homeowner. i've always felt misplaced and i think that the type of work i do affords me the luxury of being in lots of different places with only one tie to a permanent address...gran's house (my "mother's" mother). on the other hand though, being a misplaced person has its downside because, well, you never feel like you have "a home."

there are about three times i felt like i had a "home." with my grandma (the one on my father's side) when i was little. she was where i was safe and loved and fed. *sigh* i was very close to her and miss her greatly. then at my ex-girlfriend's house. that was my first relationship EVER and her, and that relationship and how she made me feel i had a home was what made it all the more devastating when the relationship ended. my other gran has always been a part of my life. if they hadn't moved near us when i was 10 i honestly don't think i would have survived. my grandfather was the only real male role model i ever had and i adored him. and he was funny as hell. heh. so now when i can't afford to live anywhere because i'm a broke student trying to get my education and save the fishies of the world i stay with her.

and we fight and get pissed at each other and sometimes i can't stand it because you're not supposed to fight with your gran. and it stresses me, because when people yell...i cry.

BUT I'M TOUGH SO SHUDDUP!!!!!!!

anyway, i love to house sit here. it's in the country near my house so it's semi-secluded. there are horses, two dogs that are allowed in the house, and a cat. they compost, usually they have a garden, they "green," and they have a new kickass imac with a dedicated phone line. now i'm not one for material things but i like it here. i like the quiet. i like the solitude, i like the horses and dogs and cat and i like that it's custom built so it's not a cookie cutter house. it's interesting. and not at all designed for kids. does that sound terrible? maybe. i don't care. it has a nice space and very adult things and i don't mean adult in the sense of "adult" like adult books but it has hardwood floors and a marble counter and gas stove and a guest room and only TWO chairs in the livingroom. no couch, no coffee table, no dining table. a marble counter with stools and it's clean and organized and not filled with toys and noise and "shut up the baby's sleeping."

i don't know where i was going with this, but there it is. i just typed it and there it is...

GOOD NEWS!!!!!

I HAVE A NEW FAVORITE PEN!!! YAHHHHHHH NEW FAVORITE PEN!!!!!

still frantically searching for a GREAT left handed writing pen after my OLD favorite writing pens are becoming either obsolete or just damn hard to find...til today!

TODAY! GLORIOUSLY i found a new pen. and so far working really well thankyouverymuch!

the old pen: pilot v-ball rollerball fine point BLUE ink. still love it. still want it. impossible to find. i can get EXTRA fine points at the book store but not fine. i can get fine point from the store house but not blue...what's a girl with a pen obsession to do?

well, first of all one must send a pen of her desire to the monkey of her dreams so said monkey will no longer mock the fish when she discusses pen of desire. let monkey enjoy pen and seeee for herself how wonderful pen of desire is...*sigh*

and then she continues her search....searching...searching...til today in the bookstore *sigh...the bookstore...* she sees it. the pen of her new desire. a BLUE .7 mm metal tip pen with a sign over it that says

GREAT FOR LEFTIES!!!!

could it be? could it be true???? fish grabs pen and drops all other things in her hands...oops...and looks around frantically for a piece of paper. FOUND IT! snaps lid off! WRITES!!! and it's smooth oh it's nice ooh oh oh it's BLUE and it's niiiiiiice...

heh

Well, I've worked a whole month at the farm and let's just say that things have gone very well for me there. Which is good because dammit i NEEDED it! lol. i swear when money is an issue it really screws with my head. so now i'm making some major payments on my bills and i'm not behind on anything so it's all good. the other weird thing is, well, this may sound awful but i actually have TOO much money for my research. i looked at my uni account and i have $6000 and now i have the budweiser scholarship which is $10,000. well, i know what you're thinking what the hell does she have to complain about. and no i don't really it's just ironic that i have ALL that money for research now when for years i paid for my research out of my own pocket. the only problem with having ALL that money is that it EXPIRES next september. and after that, i have no money for school nor my project.

that's right.

THAT sucks

because if i don't spend it all before September then part of the $10,000 goes back to budweiser and part of the $6000 gets "absorbed" by the university. and i have to write a COMPLETE budget, have it approved by a financial officer and if i change any of my project OR change any purchase by more than 10% i have some 'splainin' to do.

don't get me wrong, I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED that i get to do the project I want and i have plenty of money for it. so i gotta make this work this year with a big bang so i can get more money after that.

no pressure...lol

i wish i could post pics in my blog.

so today i'm out working in my garden and then i'm going to do a kinda sneaky thing. when i got kicked out of my parents' house about 14 years ago i didn't get to take all my kid stuff. and as far as i know some of it is still stored in the back of that house. well, my little sister is cleaning their house for money this week so i asked her if i could come by and look and see if some of my old kid stuff is there. the stuff i want the most really are my little horse statues and i think they have my yearbooks too.

anyway, i'm leaving in about an hour to go see (if it's not too much of a nightmare there - that house is soooo full of junk and clutter and it's in no way in neat condition just tossed or piled. he's such a pig. so's my mom but granted she's been disabled for the last ten years so she can't do it. that's not to say she would have been neat about it before...but anyway...i'm going to do that. going to get my little office organized and put stuff in containers more mice are running around. bastards

OH OH OH i almost forgot i'm getting VEGGIES from my garden i'm so happy. gosh it's sooo nice to eat something you grew. so far i've gotten about 10 lemon cucumbers, 3 regular cucumbers and about 10 beets. i can't wait for the onions and tomatoes and peppers to be ready! i'm gonna make SALSA!! yah me! lol as i'm pulling beets i'm planting more seeds and i'm also going to plant more pepper plants in the big tub we got.

ok...so i gotta get to work if i'm going to do all that stuff today!

omg

i'm so mad

i just typed out a medium size blog with a hugely sarcastic edge and i was HAPPY WITH IT and when i went to check my blog...NOTHING

NO

THING

GAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWDAMMIT